Health: Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know...

By Anonymous - 12/03/2015 01:50 - United States - Guthrie

Today, I went running. I live in a small town and people know me fairly well. It was dark when I went to avoid the heat. I was almost finished with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from. Clearly being fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 329

You deserved it 2 588

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 7 403

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 295

You deserved it 2 904

By FatRunner - 05/11/2009 07:41 - New Zealand

Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 955

You deserved it 5 272

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 14:34 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 073

You deserved it 3 223

By anonymous - 24/06/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 705

You deserved it 5 226

By see you next cunt - 18/03/2014 19:44 - United States

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 957

You deserved it 5 133

By MillyMan - 07/02/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, I have to follow through with the bet I lost over the Super Bowl game. I don't have a problem running a lap nude around my block, but the cops in the police station right across from my house probably will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 931

You deserved it 35 449

By yodada - 10/03/2009 23:03 - United States

Today, I was pulled over because I looked like a possible suspect for a robbery. While searching me, the police's radio went off and the person on the other line said, "Possible suspect, 5'5", thin" - the officer stopped right then and murmured, "too short and fat" and walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 526

You deserved it 4 860

By Jif_Creamy - 28/02/2016 05:00 - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 898

You deserved it 7 172

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 05/09/2011 04:38 - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 723

You deserved it 15 183

bearstyle22 11

Thursday 12 March 2015 11:23

You dare live a healthy lifestyle in my town. Thats it, ticket.

Steffi3 40

Thursday 12 March 2015 11:17

I hope he didn't give you too much trouble. Keep up the running OP!

Comments

aubamas 20

Thursday 12 March 2015 11:48

running for a big mc mister officer, sir!

DaEpicTaco 13

Thursday 12 March 2015 13:26

Lol

wanted_2_want 40

Thursday 12 March 2015 14:05

"From assholes, Sir!!"... Could've be an interesting answer.

CatLady4Lyf 30

Thursday 12 March 2015 19:54

"The cupcakes..The cupcakes are after me!!"

RopeRodent 4

Thursday 12 March 2015 11:56

OP, here's a bullet point from a very simple list of proper jogger etiquette that you should make sure to follow the next time you go out to jog, most importantly: dress appropriately for the situation. When you jog it's important to wear bright neon clothes, bonus points if the pants/shorts/hot-pants and shirt/training bra doesn't match in the slightest. Put on a sweatband on your forehead and one around each of your wrists. Wear one of those belt things that one can put their keys in, similarly to a fanny pack, except you can hang small water bottles on it (used to have one myself but I've since lost it somewhere). Always when you jog you must bring an Ipod with cheap headphones that blare out "Eye of the tiger" or some other appropriate exercise music. On second thought there has been science conducted in the field that suggest "Benny hill" to be extra speed inducing for joggers. Follow this simple rule from the list of proper jogger etiquette and no one will be able to mistake you for being anything but a dawning Adonis in training. Good luck my fellow jogger and remember to drink often, eat healthily and to get proper sleep.