Intimacy: Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized...

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 013

You deserved it 59 008

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745

You deserved it 37 966

I have no idea what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 10:00

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months and couldn't figure out how to use any of the equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 317

By dawg3360 - 07/06/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 639

You deserved it 134 208

By likeyourboss - 04/10/2013 16:05 - Denmark

Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 715

You deserved it 5 952

Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 288

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 20:00

Today, my hand fell asleep while I was masturbating. My own body rejected me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 858

You deserved it 1 615

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 178

By Delilah - 01/03/2010 08:53 - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 848

You deserved it 9 780

Take it easy

By Endrit Begolli - 27/06/2023 00:02 - Albania

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was so out of shape that I couldn't even finish my warm-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 248

By tomchuq - 30/08/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I realized I can hold a pencil in my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 664

You deserved it 61 251

Nyxen 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 12:37

That's pretty impressive really. Maybe you should switch it up from time to time, and then you'd be able to do serious lifting with both arms.

wollzilla 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 12:35

hahah same. i lose arm wrestling when i use my right hand, but whenever i use my left, i own.

Comments

YUMMYFRENCHFRIES 16

Monday 15 July 2013 8:20

Only awesome people are left handed...like me:D

jennifertayli 8

Thursday 29 August 2013 15:32

jacking off makes your hand stronger

fuzzypanda321 7

Monday 3 November 2014 21:01

no shit i choke the chicken with my right and i can lift a ton more

laughingtoohard 14

Monday 26 January 2015 3:56

I rotate between the two hands

tiggerdoc 14

Friday 19 June 2015 17:35

GO AWAY! 'Baitin!!

vb68_fml 28

Saturday 21 November 2015 4:05

What an exciting FML! Wonder how this one got through moderation...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 412

The Top

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 851

You deserved it 386

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 953

You deserved it 12 349

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 838

You deserved it 36 780

Today, as a stressed NHS nurse, I tried to take a relaxing bath, except I dropped my book in the water, my candle set my hair on fire, I slipped getting out and may have broken my finger. The noise woke up my two kids, so I had to start their bedtime routine over again, and I got bath salt crystals in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 220

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 099

You deserved it 7 258

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I asked my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 511

You deserved it 7 870