Intimacy: Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really...

By damn - 09/04/2014 21:12 - United States - Kenton

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 481

You deserved it 8 031

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Same thing different taste

Served and deserved

By Anonymous - 05/12/2022 16:00 - United States - University Park

Today, my roommate's girlfriend came to visit for a couple of days, and we fucked behind his back. My roommate told me he just tested positive for syphilis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 3 825

By Anonymous - 25/09/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 244

You deserved it 7 063

What a jerk!

By traumatized house keeper - 08/09/2017 13:00 - Germany - Munster

Today, while cleaning the hostel, I had to make some beds in a dorm room. There were three guys in the room, one of whom was sitting on a bed. He looked me straight in the eye and I gave him a big smile before I realized he was jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 472

You deserved it 427

Experimentation is good

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 2 481

Gagging for it

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 14:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 265

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 090

By awkward O_o - 24/04/2013 21:15 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 799

You deserved it 4 923

By CBBP - 31/03/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 888

You deserved it 8 785

Handjob

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 18:00

Today, I heard my boyfriend masturbate next to me and then relieves himself on my bed sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 906

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 119

You deserved it 6 917

EndOfSekrets 13

Thursday 10 April 2014 6:05

Talk shit, get laid.

Big_Pickle 18

Thursday 10 April 2014 6:04

You win some, you lose some.

Comments

Cherrybunny01 4

Thursday 10 April 2014 9:09

Did he use the poop scale?

alex_gen 38

Thursday 10 April 2014 9:52

Poop fetish?

4kickin 8

Thursday 10 April 2014 10:20

confidance can go a long way.

revelation11B 10

Thursday 10 April 2014 10:25

Go home, 26, you're drunk.

bluelagoon24 19

Thursday 10 April 2014 10:43

She was probably a nurse. It's just further down the scale from "You have nice veins".

briang959 47

Thursday 10 April 2014 11:43

OP, maybe you should eat more fiber.

mbuck87 19

Thursday 10 April 2014 11:53

Maybe you need to work on your 'shit game' then you might be able to get the girl?

91hayek 31

Thursday 10 April 2014 12:45

Sounds like some hippy-new-agey-homeopathy-granola-bar-vegan kinda guy with sensitive eyes and decipherable tattoos. Chicks dig those kind of guys, talking about opening their third eyes and massive ***** they take.