She covered your face in glitter. You cover her face with man glitter. White sticky man glitter. BTW, if glitter gets into your eye, it can cut the retina & cause some serious bleeding. You'll need surgery to get it out. Happened to a kid in my first grade class back in dec 1988.

did you hit her?

hahahah i love it!!! twilight rocks

the proper response at this point is to rub the divorce papers in her face while she's sleeping

I have 1/4 inch fangs... 'more vampire' doesn't work, they want gay guys....

Divorce your good for nothing wife now...

Now you find a xenomorph and stick it in her stomach. When it ruptures her gut, say you wanted her to be more like Bella. Or knock her up and, shortly after she gives birth, tell her your best friend is going to become its lover to make it more like the Renesmee/Jacob 'relationship'. Or pour cooking oil on her when she's sunbathing and asleep and leave her out there. Say you wanted her to feel like a REAL vampire. Or pretend you're really gay, saying 'Now I really AM like Edward!' Joking aside, look on the bright side, you're married to a woman who's obviously up to indulging in fantasies and fetishes. Maybe set up some schedule, alternating fantasies. Oh, and you might want to tell her not to do things to you while you're asleep. If you REALLY want to surprise her, look up a few romantic quotes from the series and drop one every now and then. Apparently the reason why women read Twilight is because they like to pretend their lovers actually say and do stuff like the characters, so sweep her off of her feet every now and then with a nice gesture. Who knows, maybe she'll actually stop reading the series when you prove real life is better than fiction. And to break up the 'advice column' sound that this comment has, boingo boing whoopsy knickers. (+5 points to whoever gets the ref)

Twilight just had to come out this time of the year.

F your life, indeed.

hahahaha somebody's a little too obsessed...