Intimacy: Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night... - FML

By holyshitbatman - 22/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 532

You deserved it 29 767

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 21:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 102

You deserved it 44 835

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 186

You deserved it 91 573

Couldn't have been that great

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 16:59 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I woke up naked in my best friend's roommate's bed. We had sex and I puked on the bed. My first sex in over a year and I don't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 1 147

By StiffPvtParts - 04/06/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, after a night of drinking, I awoke in the early hours of the morning to a sight of my roommate playing with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 301

Date grape

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 117

You deserved it 245

By gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 574

You deserved it 436

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 908

You deserved it 36 515

By homewrecker - 01/08/2009 13:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 077

You deserved it 64 032

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 776

You deserved it 4 725

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 342

You deserved it 9 837

Next

Top comments

ThatsHowItsDoneS 2

Saturday 22 September 2012 19:14

That's a pain in the ass isn't it

dansythomas 6

Saturday 22 September 2012 19:13

You're ******

Comments

funnytimes300 4

Tuesday 25 September 2012 7:14

Sounds like the hangover

PatRme 9

Tuesday 25 September 2012 16:44

Trust me...he remembers

hugehardcock 0

Wednesday 26 September 2012 0:33

Been there done that

kprando25 8

Wednesday 26 September 2012 3:07

Did anyone else notice #7 used 'butt' instead of 'but'

Pinksinger101 1

Wednesday 26 September 2012 4:42

This is why you shouldn't drink a lot. See what it does to you??

maybso 0

Wednesday 26 September 2012 10:46

are you out of vasiline??

jayzyone 4

Wednesday 26 September 2012 21:27

You didn't maybe see this as a possibility BEFORE you became roommates?

irritatedone 5

Thursday 27 September 2012 7:03

That's sounds hot!!!! Maybe you guys should talk about it some more and see if it goes any where. Maybe try it sober. You might find you really like it :)

fatman1970 25

Thursday 27 September 2012 8:53

Maybe it would be better if you didn't remember!

ElishaisSexy2016 9

Friday 28 September 2012 16:50

Ah hell :/

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The Top

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 637

You deserved it 5 883

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 714

The Top

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 769

You deserved it 1 045

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 396

You deserved it 398

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 484

You deserved it 4 709

Today, I learned it's not a good idea to answer your phone with "F*** off!" just because you're having a bad day. It could just be your pastor on the other end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 569

You deserved it 49 875

Today, my social-awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 053

You deserved it 4 999

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 740

You deserved it 6 645