Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up,... - FML

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 364

You deserved it 5 853

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Same thing different taste

Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 161

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 3 007

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 921

You deserved it 4 590

By Mel - 07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 972

You deserved it 12 962

By Secretlypossessed - 29/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 974

You deserved it 293

Sexy morning

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 751

You deserved it 281

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 449

Nuts

By Painful - 05/10/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 924

You deserved it 39 999

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 091

You deserved it 20 368

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 369

You deserved it 24 017

Next

Top comments

madmikemiller 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:06

Kinda is

bfrench95 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:17

You should have yelled "BABY KILLER" then headbutt his nutsack :)

Comments

RiZiX 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:14

Nothing like the smell of balls in the mornin'!

R4P3DwithALOHA 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 11:52

FROM UNDAH CHEEZE!

ant2590 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:15

Prank war!!!

sportsfan20 3

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:17

Clean the toilet with his toothbrush

twistedlovex 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 4:05

That's so unoriginal

laden_swallow09 34

Wednesday 28 December 2011 14:15

And teabagging is? It doesn't have to be original to be a good one.

sucks2BEyouu 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:18

^^^ you guys are getting mad that he "can't take a joke", when i'm pretty sure if that happened to you, you wouldn't be all ***** and giggles. learn how to not be a jackass.

drawmesunshine 17

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:19

18, I'm guessing that you're talking to keevarou, but I can't imagine why. He's a polite and humorous guy, granted he's no Docbastard or Perdix, but he's not trying to be. I like him.

brianjman14 22

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:19

Chill Keevarou. It's a joke. :P By the way, I would have laughed if I was in the OP's situation, 33.

dhardesty23 8

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:20

because it is funny

rhysfucker 24

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:21

See if he will fall for the "Wooden Spoon War" trick and smack the shit out of him. Or just stick his tube of Chap Stik up your ass...

Mr25_fml 14

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:24

Get him back. Cooking spoon right to the balls should do the trick

docscientist 9

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:25

It's not a very funny or creative joke. Oh no, you made him touch your ballsack...how hilarious... Yawn

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Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

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You deserved it 5 320

Today, I went out with my parents and a family friend. After saying goodbye to the friend and as soon as the elevator doors shut, my parents started trash-talking the friend's looks, stature, choice of clothes, etc. Now I understand a lot about my education growing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 110

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I agree, your life sucks 6 110

You deserved it 48 179

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You deserved it 30 753

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I agree, your life sucks 6 733

You deserved it 46 541

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML

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You deserved it 8 986