Transportation: Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through...

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 17:57 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 2 388

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Slam the brakes

By wrecked - 23/01/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 810

You deserved it 6 645

Rollin'

By Anonymous - 01/09/2016 03:40 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was driving home when a guy crashed into me from behind. I got out of my car and told him that I was going to call the cops. He then asked me if we could move to a corner because we were blocking the way, so we then got back in to move. I looked in the mirror to see him driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 971

You deserved it 4 712

By wtfman101 - 28/08/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 032

You deserved it 2 720

By Read The Fine Print - 24/11/2012 05:55 - United States - Sylmar

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 248

You deserved it 2 253

Alexa, play "A Forest" by The Cure

By JesusLaidAnEgg - 10/09/2019 14:02

Today, I was driving around my campsite at dark in the middle of a forest. My father thought it would be funny to run up to my window, put his face against the glass and scream. I drove into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 249

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 15:34 - United States - Lexington

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbors attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 974

You deserved it 1 791

By badtiming - 15/09/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 097

You deserved it 3 292

By Noname - 02/03/2009 18:52 - Canada

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 589

You deserved it 7 619

Public freakout

By erineilis - 16/08/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 600

You deserved it 17 069

Easy mistake

By NoFightResponse - 24/04/2009 03:53 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street late at night, when I was distracted by a text message. Some guy then gets in my passenger side. Panicked, thinking I was being robbed, I bolt out of my car bruising my head and dropping my phone onto the pavement. The guy meant to get in the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 254

You deserved it 7 144

soccerguy2 11

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:47

just give him the keys for your car. he seems like a good trustworthy driver.

AngrehPirate 0

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:44

What a greedy man...

Comments

griffins33 4

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:49

What's a suburban? Sorry for my stupidity.

thisisafunnyname 12

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:57

It's a huge ass SUV that a lot of soccer moms drive

Zomg_Okay 26

Monday 23 January 2012 0:06

Type of jeep. Google is your friend. :P [EDIT] Much too slow. This is what I get for being distracted by other tabs. *Walks off mumbling*

rattusrattus 18

Monday 23 January 2012 0:14

It's a substitute penis for those who believe their normal-sized phallus is too small.

Okayitwasme 0

Monday 23 January 2012 0:38

It's a chev product not a dodge (jeep)!

Okayitwasme 0

Monday 23 January 2012 0:42

It's a Chevy! Kinda like the first Navigator, or Escalade. Before they were fancy.

ClassyCommando 13

Monday 23 January 2012 2:05

"Suburban" really ought to be capitalized in the FML. It confused me the first time I read it.

tommyfox 19

Tuesday 24 January 2012 19:52

It is capitalized.

Shayton 12

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:49

Your response should be "**** You". Then you go inside and enjoy some fruit loops.

marzipanimal 15

Monday 23 January 2012 0:50

Oh yeah. Definitely gotta have the fruit loops.

bizarre_ftw 21

Monday 23 January 2012 3:34

They're fruity and delicious

borkchop1992 15

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:53

Your only work is in the kitchen now get back to work bitch so that you can pay off my shit

antmanzero 8

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:53

Not funny. Go back in your cave, troll.

Snafuusmc 12

Sunday 22 January 2012 23:57

Wow! Sounds like an intro to another Superbad or the hangover or WORSE!!!

old09 11

Monday 23 January 2012 0:05

Tell him yes But that you need to stop be his house first...

effedml 5

Monday 23 January 2012 0:08

Give him a ride. You're already up. He needs to keep the job to pay for your damages. Having an accident doesn't make him a monster.

msjoyfull84 0

Monday 23 January 2012 0:11

You should've driven him, he obviously needs to make his insurance payments.

btstig 11

Monday 23 January 2012 0:12

Give him a twenty and say **** off. The simultaneous nice gesture and "**** off" will render Dale Jr. Speechless.

loller27 6

Monday 23 January 2012 0:13

he's rockin the suburbans

Johnny6speed 0

Monday 23 January 2012 0:17

He was probably confused from the concussion he received from that damn tree coming out of nowhere. DAMN YOU TREES!!!

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Friends Awkward Haircut Cute Holidays Lonely Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work You're fired Cars Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my company told me that they refuse to buy me new safety footwear without a doctor's note, because my shoe size is three sizes smaller than the minimum size my company provides. I actually have to get my doctor to prove my shoe size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 526

You deserved it 1 300

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, my fiancée of 2 years and mother of my son, who is also pregnant with our second son, commented on how lucky two friends getting married were to have found each other. I said that we're just as lucky. She responded, "No. They actually love each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 624

You deserved it 4 625

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 086

You deserved it 7 403

Today, I was lectured by my mom who saw me trying to play on my Switch during a weekday. The thing is, she doesn't even give me any time to play in the week, and then calls me out whenever I try to get a few decent hours on my Meta Quest and Switch during the weekends. Stop dictating me; give me a goddamn break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 427

Today, I had a job interview. The moment I walked into the room, the interviewer said, "OK, I will interview you, but there is no way I'm hiring you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 245

You deserved it 4 208

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 711

You deserved it 1 955

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 598

You deserved it 2 545