Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

By Funnymann - 22/01/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 417

You deserved it 3 900

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 348

You deserved it 1 144

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 5 237

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with a carpet burn. From sleeping. Alone. In my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 564

You deserved it 164

By argh - 20/03/2012 08:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I woke up to the faint memory of being drunk enough to draw dicks on my own face in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 108

You deserved it 33 478

By permanently scarred - 25/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 260

By Girl-of-very-little-brain - 29/12/2011 12:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at midnight crying, stood up to turn on the lights and face-planted into my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 234

You deserved it 4 984

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 729

You deserved it 19 960

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 186

By HomeAlone - 24/04/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 880

You deserved it 21 305

By Hayleey_079 - 18/02/2010 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 040

You deserved it 3 768

luvuall 0

Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

susieKiute 0

Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

Comments

Kylias 6

Saturday 23 January 2010 2:32

It's Edward Cullen. :|

Boy_Flow 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 4:11

LOL!!!!! x-D

Roxybaby0113 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 2:35

Lol, awe you poor thing. I hope it comes off. xD

jc21_fml 1

Saturday 23 January 2010 2:36

haha its those asians!

tman118 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 2:42

do you have a dog?

blastvortex 3

Saturday 23 January 2010 2:46

Either you've got a nasty pest problem (be they small or large), or this post reeks of liquor. I dunno what to say, really....

TruleighSadistic 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 2:54

maybe you did yourself n forgot? idk ive done shit befor that ive forgotten then again i was always highly intoxicated before

mr_fuckyou 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 3:04

that's funny

Nic_hole 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 3:17

ahhh dang that's creepy!! lock your doors!?!?

Sabre1 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 3:30

i agree with #97 it was obviously ninjas and there's nothing you can do about it

BlueTwist89 0

Saturday 23 January 2010 3:32

Awww, poor thing :(. I'm thinking you did it in your sleep.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, I asked my son to keep my new girlfriend secret from his mom until our divorce was final, and he ran straight to her. She told the judge I was unfaithful and wants more money from our settlement. My son doesn't give a shit about snitching on me, because she's giving him a percentage of the new settlement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 841

Today, making small talk with my coworkers, I said a restaurant I'd tried recently was "superb". They all gave me weird looks, and one said, "Someone's trying too hard to sound smart." Now I've got a rep as a pseudo-intellectual douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 109

The Top

Today, I "hacked" my girlfriend's phone and found out she's been cheating on me for the last 6 months. She's pissed at me because I hacked her phone and invaded her privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 430

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 173

You deserved it 4 374

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 5 238

Today, my dad threw my boyfriend out of the house, and I mean 'Uncle Phil throwing Jazz out of the house' type of throwing. He picked him up, and he didn’t even touch the sides on his way out the door. He landed on the bonnet of his car, all because of an argument over a Mars bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 106

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 645

You deserved it 7 941

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 694

You deserved it 1 751

Same thing different taste

Self report

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