Money: Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to...

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 653

You deserved it 9 042

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 089

You deserved it 9 512

Assumptions

By adriana - 01/09/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills. She said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 343

You deserved it 4 589

Drunken antics

By qx5 - 08/01/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 524

You deserved it 58 097

Everything is clean

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 18:00

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 758

You deserved it 241

By bakedplum - 01/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 808

You deserved it 23 820

Scratch cards

By Just my luck - 15/02/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 00:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 684

You deserved it 4 436

By bluntedone - 03/02/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 036

You deserved it 52 154

By greenhide8 - 28/05/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 011

You deserved it 46 116

By joedoe - 18/07/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 Monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 927

You deserved it 51 591

pwnrzero 0

Saturday 30 May 2009 20:12

you got the 200 dollars and most money goes through much grosser stuff anyway, without you knowing deal with it, and take it like a a mature human being! [i couldn't say man because i didnt know if you are a man]

untoldfame 3

Saturday 30 May 2009 20:35

so, you go to a strip club, looking at the strippers, giving them money, but when they try giving you money you think its gross? maybe you should give it to them in envolopes next time :)

Comments

misterman2 3

Sunday 31 May 2009 4:06

this is gross, but your life is not ******.

amykillswitch 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 4:34

Suck it up bud. Dollar bills go through a lot more than stink nuggets and ass hair.

missus_butter 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 4:53

All money is this filthy. This money is just being more honest about it than usual. Stay away from the ones from Skid Row Susie though.

i_love_sluts 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 4:54

You won 200$ and half of that had been up a stripers ass crack? Dont see how this is an fml :S

maddie_89 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 4:58

As a stripper, I can tell you that money we get doesn't go into a safe to go back to you. It goes into our pockets, because that's our wage. Nice try, kiddo.

batrob 7

Sunday 31 May 2009 5:48

that's what you get when you go to those kinds of bars. and how are you disgusted by that you willingly went there perv

Kickinchicken213 3

Sunday 31 May 2009 5:53

EW, and that junk's CIRCULATING? ...I'm using rubber gloves to handle my money from now on.

seonfire 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 6:12

OMFG your life totally sucks you won 200 dollars?!?! FYL!!

MisterIcee 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 6:22

I would get a pair of gloves pick the money then go and get 2 100 bills at the bank.

_twisted_ 0

Sunday 31 May 2009 6:35

As a dancer at a different club than maddie_89, we have to give 10% of our tips. So yeah, that money has been everywhere! And honestly, I relish paying assholes who work the registers with that money! That's straight out of my g-string betch!