Work: Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we...

By PukinFireman - 17/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 154

You deserved it 5 109

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Hazing rituals

By newguy - 29/08/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, it's my third day at work and the hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 198

You deserved it 4 807

No tip for you

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 047

You deserved it 11 984

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 05/09/2023 00:02

Today, I had a stomach bug, but despite it I swallowed a mouthful of habanero sauce on a dare. I ended up projectile vomiting on a wall outside, lost my sense of balance and fell over on the sidewalk, almost blacked out from the tightness in my chest, and had to refuse an ambulance that somebody had called. All for $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 1 277

Heimlich

By Macdaddy - 05/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 032

You deserved it 3 482

In and out

By newhostess - 11/04/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to recommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking. I got food poisoning from my own workplace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 013

You deserved it 3 422

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 129

You deserved it 9 053

First day

By notsogoodtrainee - 09/07/2015 17:02 - United States - Fargo

Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around a corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced himself to me as the head manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 640

You deserved it 4 814

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 16:00

Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 430

You deserved it 6 543

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 799

You deserved it 350

DoingItWrong 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 15:39

Aww ... you didn't even make it to the ritualized hazing later in the day =(

Peroxide 3

Saturday 17 October 2009 15:55

That's the least of your troubles. Fortunately your firefighter training will come in handy later when you shit fire.

Comments

meezer008 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 17:19

i read "rookie duties" as "dookie duties"...thats where i thought he was goin with this lol

Cristaderzi 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 18:10

Legally no they cant make him. But when he finds himself isolated and then with NO backup on emergencies, he'll either quit or get killed! He has to suck it up and play along eventually he will have grown past his probie stage and then he can eat/do whatever he wants albeit!

Jizzylol 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 20:47

learn how to use albeit please

kaonashi_fml 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 19:25

YDI for eating the spicy food. You knew you risked that when you ate it, so suck it up and don't complain.

MouseyN 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 19:30

I don't think they would've isolated him in a fire for not eating spicy food, but he'll definitely be the butt of the joke for a while. Not the best thing to be in a macho place like the fire station. Sorry about your hazing man.

shooter308 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 19:41

Well, don't eat that shit. Just tell your company it makes you sick and you know when you eat it your going to catch a fire and puke in your mask. Then they give you shit and you deal with it. Your going to get messed with no matter what. Having a nickname like "shit break" isn't that bad. That was mine for a while, and that was after my probationary period.

Aj_teh_cool 0

Saturday 17 October 2009 21:13

1's post is funnier than the actual fml, lol

Witchcraft_fml 4

Saturday 17 October 2009 22:12

Well with people that can't handle spicy foods well, it's usually either vomit or diarrhea, so take your pick!

perdix 29

Saturday 17 October 2009 23:49

You din't mention hitting the once-in-a-lifetime (hopefully) jackpot of both. Especially when the two urges surge simultaneously. You got to see if you have the skills to sit there and hope you can puke between your legs without hitting your crotch. The other alternative will require a clean-up even in the best-case scenario.

Witchcraft_fml 4

Saturday 17 October 2009 23:57

If someone has the stomach to handle diarrhea and nausea at the same time until they reach a toilet, they should be able to handle anything! Go out and become a superhero, bullets to the head will tickle! I think, though, that imagining the coinciding vomit/diarrhea splattering sounds will haunt me forever.

Witchcraft_fml 4

Sunday 18 October 2009 1:01

Except for the Martians who translate that scream into giggles! Hopefully that guy didn't have a chance to breathe through his nose while he had his head between his legs, otherwise it might have induced more vomiting!