Work: Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything...

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 038

You deserved it 6 345

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Same thing different taste

By sadlife - 09/07/2009 18:50 - Canada

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 310

You deserved it 66 526

By PukinFireman - 17/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 155

You deserved it 5 110

By PC Jones - 20/09/2011 14:56 - Australia

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 462

You deserved it 3 221

Mommy's boy

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 22:00

Today, after I've spent years cultivating my reputation at work as a hardass who's good to his team, as long as they're competent and own up to mistakes, my mother came as a customer and suddenly I'm a kid all over again. She even tried to pat my head and ask if I'm eating enough. Now my team all keep smirking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 302

By britney - 15/02/2010 02:54 - Canada

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 5 601

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 04:09

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 804

You deserved it 1 323

Dad joke number 287474

By HunkyFez - 28/08/2020 08:06 - Australia

Today, my dad offered to make me lunch as it was my first day at a new school. Today was also the day I had to eat a penis-shaped sandwich in front of my new peers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 268

Priorities

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was sent by my mother and her boyfriend to pick up some take-out. After getting the food, I began to turn out once the traffic light was green. An asshole cop sped past the red light and slammed into my car, totaling it. When I called my house, my mom's boyfriend asked, "Where's our dinner?" I'm fine, by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 78

By Anonymous - 03/08/2010 06:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I start work in an office, with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 556

You deserved it 12 694

By Lauren Smith - 17/10/2010 16:52 - United States

Today, I came home from work. I was really tired and told my son that I would make him dinner later. He called the cops saying, "Mommy won't feed me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 348

You deserved it 6 183

yadisingh 5

Wednesday 26 October 2011 0:13

Eat up, big boy :) Haha, but dude, mom's are moms. Atleast yours actually cares about you haha.

Reign_fml 3

Wednesday 26 October 2011 0:12

Aw, how sweet

Comments

amishfury 9

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:22

you'll never hear the end of it

brandonb6 1

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:26

LoveLessXlll 8

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:27

your mom did something really sweet. if i were you i would wear what she did like an armor and take pride in it, instead of being embarrased.

Awsumuzzie 12

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:31

That was an amazing comment.

RavingRavyn 4

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:29

Ouch oober embarassment FYL indeed, but your mom did it cause she loves you :) She just never learned discretion lol

laden_swallow09 34

Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:14

It's "über," BTW. :)

lifeisbullshiz 3

Wednesday 26 October 2011 6:54

awww completely off subject... but love your pink domo!!!! :D

sgtrobswifey 0

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:33

Aw that sucks.. Hahah see fortunately my folks lived in the city I patrolled so I would just go there for dinner! Be safe out there bro!

AvikC818 8

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:33

If I was your mother, I would be so dissapointed in you.

miZscrZee 0

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:42

You better be happy she still does that&& you still have something to eat! LOL, that's really sweet of ur momma!(:

InUrArea 4

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:48

Oh pumpkin don't be embarrassed how sweet

hottiebrunette 0

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:51

Ah gettin in the Halloween spirit

malfoyfreak 3

Wednesday 26 October 2011 1:51

I moderated this :)

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Health Covid Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 664

You deserved it 3 777

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 152

The Top

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 888

You deserved it 8 785

Today, it was sister’s birthday. I decided to give her money instead of a present, because I couldn’t come up with a gift idea. When she opened the envelope and took the $100 out, she looked at me and asked me if this was the best I could’ve done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 195

You deserved it 201

Today, at the DMV, I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and that my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, placing my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 287

You deserved it 2 638

Today, I thought a cute guy was checking out my ass, so I cheekily bent over a little to give him an eyeful. He walked over to a shop assistant, pointed at me and left. The assistant then informed me, “Miss, you’ve torn your trousers, your knickers are visible, and, um, apparently you have a skid mark.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 218

Today, I managed to wash my phone with my laundry. I didn’t realize it was in my jeans until I heard a thudding noise. After rescuing it from the depths of soggy clothes, I tried the rice trick to dry it out. A few hours later, my cat thought it was a new litter tray and promptly pissed in the rice, then spread it all over the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 222

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 257

You deserved it 61 934

Same thing different taste

Mommy's boy

Dad joke number 287474

Priorities

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