Health: Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start...

By theregoesmyspermcount - 02/08/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 847

You deserved it 5 703

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By DJ - 07/04/2013 18:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 614

You deserved it 5 882

'Murica

By Maryann - 08/02/2018 01:30

Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 651

By Anonymous - 22/08/2014 18:41 - United States - Doylestown

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 118

You deserved it 42 999

Ouch

By fuckjuggalos - 29/06/2012 23:57 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 132

You deserved it 5 035

Fight! Fight! Fight!

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 17:54 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 675

You deserved it 2 031

Size isn't everything!

By Franklin - 18/12/2017 19:00

Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 7 930

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 699

You deserved it 5 699

Shady tactics

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Rowville

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 3 109

Power move

By Anonymous - 08/10/2023 17:00

Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 170

By stupidprankster - 09/03/2012 10:10 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 497

You deserved it 7 491

redbluegreen 40

Monday 3 August 2009 9:10

I'd suggest you invest in a giant human bubble. Or a cup.

crescent_indigo 0

Monday 3 August 2009 9:12

spiked cup would be win-win situation

Comments

AssassinBug 15

Monday 2 December 2013 5:09

Return the favor using the same excuse.

dparnell21 2

Monday 17 February 2014 0:04

Do some research. No such thing as an ex Marine!

Capt_Colorz 8

Saturday 22 February 2014 17:45

Play more COD, your hand eye coordination will improve

opaloriel 4

Wednesday 23 July 2014 5:21

He is not an "ex marine" he is still a marine whether in the service or not. He may be retired but he is still a marine. That being said. ouch!

Dimondshard27 7

Saturday 29 November 2014 4:47

Haha! Sux for u bro!!

TheFeels 16

Thursday 23 April 2015 17:25

there is no such thing as an ex-marine.

duma191 21

Tuesday 18 August 2015 20:56

There's no such thing as an ex-marine. There are, however, crazy marines.

Ninjerman 7

Wednesday 26 August 2015 6:50

Are you now faster or falsetto? (sorry couldn't resist)

CaletheLion 15

Monday 14 September 2015 19:39

Ex marine? Na-Na

LostDN 9

Friday 19 February 2016 5:16

gay

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, my jobless husband wants to buy the latest iPhone. His current phone is in good condition, except that he has a 1000 apps on it slowing it down. We're also in deeply crushing debt from all his bad financial decisions from his severely loss-making business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 182

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 529

The Top

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 051

You deserved it 377

Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 116

You deserved it 2 750

Today, I received my year 12 yearbook. After such a bad year of let downs, it wasn’t surprising that the school fucked it up and put the previous year's group photo in it instead of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 96

Today, my boyfriend preferred to delete his account than admit we are in a relationship on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 542

You deserved it 5 776

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 161

You deserved it 2 608

Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 944

You deserved it 12 673