Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because...

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 10:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 945

You deserved it 9 589

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Same thing different taste

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 4 327

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 658

You deserved it 4 921

By perfectman - 12/06/2012 10:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 307

You deserved it 8 390

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 4 880

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 944

You deserved it 4 465

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 124

You deserved it 13 202

Meet the family

By OhMeGerd - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 480

You deserved it 29 019

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 482

You deserved it 3 697

Will you…

By why - 17/08/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 556

You deserved it 7 394

By moonstone15 - 06/08/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 219

You deserved it 4 247

tehhotness 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

Your grandpa rules

McZeal 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:24

grandpa's a pimp

Comments

butterflys322 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:46

Today, i went over to my girlfriends house for dinner, but couldn't eat due to a recent tongue piercing. Upon hearing this, her grandpa said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." Her super protective dad was sitting next to him. FML

adelaide_evening 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:49

I don't see why people need to rephrase these FML's in a non-funny way. Besides, I kinda doubt that's what the grandpa meant. Perhaps he meant that, after being deprived of food for a couple weeks, the boyfriend would want to eat everything in sight. I don't see why people automatically assume a senior citizen would talk about his granddaughter's sex life.

lilymoose 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:53

That's gross...lol...

mangoid 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:54

grandpa wins. also, what straight man gets a tongue ring and isn't a douchebag?

tsume24 3

Friday 15 July 2011 1:12

I'm sure you've met a few. why don't you ask them?

s_quire 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:56

i love that he winked. sick.

tehhotness 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:57

HAHA, props #14. Cornbread, ain't nothin wrong with that

shamille 5

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:57

hahaa and what did your dad do?

flask_fml 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:59

I can't wait until I'm old enough to be a grandpa. I'll be saying stuff like this all day long.

2436 4

Sunday 2 September 2012 4:29

me too! well....grandma

absurdliaisons 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:59

#22 is wasn't an assumption. The FML says, verbatim, "My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said.." The main point in that sentence? He *winked*. Why would he be talking about real food? "Oh ho... go out and get some tasty MacDonalds~!" Obviously, he had sexual undertones. Also, OP, your grandpa is awesome. Kudos for the quick-wit!