Love: Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks... - FML

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 453

You deserved it 4 168

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 04/10/2017 20:51

Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 495

You deserved it 431

By IloveJapan - 02/04/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 448

You deserved it 10 162

By Anonymous - 24/09/2012 19:09 - United States

Today, my mother found a hickey on my neck. Not believing that it was from the hungry 2-month-old child I was holding, she confronted my boyfriend about it. He promptly accused me of cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 901

You deserved it 2 677

Old dog, new tricks

By Anonymous - 06/09/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 916

You deserved it 47 007

By LonelyHeart - 22/10/2009 12:09 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 717

You deserved it 3 340

Dominion

By baby.momma2 - 26/11/2020 19:58

Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 312

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 18:03 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 438

You deserved it 6 295

Where you been?

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 02:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, my boyfriend noticed a bruise on my hip. Apparently, he would rather believe i'm cheating on him, rather that I'm terribly clumsy at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 06:30 - United States - River Falls

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 220

You deserved it 3 330

By Neckbruise101 - 15/10/2016 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 647

You deserved it 871

Next

Top comments

Cheeley 17

Monday 1 April 2013 23:47

Those vacuums can be pretty deceiving.

Welshite 39

Monday 1 April 2013 23:48

It's true. Poor guy was just trying to clean his house when the vacuum decided to revolt and attacked him. Those machines are violent at times.

Comments

Chucklikesbacon 12

Monday 1 April 2013 23:58

Aah, my mistake!

beehardxcore 26

Monday 1 April 2013 23:58

Tell him to be careful about putting his dick in there, since he probably won't be putting it near you any time soon.

gracehi 31

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:01

So you're saying... My dog was just protecting me from the vicious neck-hungry vacuum all these years? And here I was thinking he was just stupid.

chocofudges94 8

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:05

"See, babe? This is why YOU should do the cleaning from now on."

doodlecloud 26

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:07

For some reason, I'm actually don't think it's that unbelievable. I've read about teen boys doing a lot of dumb stuff on the internet, including on FML, and it wouldn't surprise me if he was dared by mates or if he wanted to find out whether a vacuum could actually do that. *shrugs*

JesseAttack 21

Wednesday 4 September 2013 17:45

Unless it has a shape that could ressemble a vacuum...

dead_insects 18

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:14

so not only is he a cheating liar....but also a fucktard. cute. i think i would rather have herpes than a dipshit like that....

Bibliovore 26

Tuesday 2 April 2013 3:35

Uhhh, no. One can break up with a partner like this. Herpes, however, would be permanent.

NeinKittenz 20

Tuesday 2 April 2013 6:23

OAH? Overly Attached Herpes?! Quick, someone make a meme!

slappygecko 21

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:25

Well, there are fetishes for that kind of thing.

baileymariee 10

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:33

Gotta watch out for those vacuums. They bite

MrConcise 34

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:40

Classic cartoons filled with sentient vacuums beg to differ.

Megan639 16

Tuesday 2 April 2013 0:49

Curling iron maybe?

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Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, we were running late because my hair got tangled in the curtains. My mother-in-law got so angry, she hacked at it, leaving me with a bald patch, then went and sat in the car as though we were still going anywhere with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 200

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was, "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 267

You deserved it 14 171

The Top

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 219

You deserved it 4 475

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 677

You deserved it 165

Today, I returned home from college. I found out that my dad ran over my cat months ago and tried to cover it up by having her stuffed. I found it "her" on my bed when I got home. They think that it's sweet that they stuffed the cat they killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 816

You deserved it 1 958

Today, I discovered my 17 year-old daughter has an eating disorder. When I confronted her, she confessed that she’s doing it because she wants to stay thin, so that her boyfriend doesn’t dump her like her father dumped me for not being thin enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 150

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. While under the influence of the drugs, I tried to speak Japanese. Later, my Japanese roommate informed me that I was saying "I am a weasel" over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 423

You deserved it 557

Today, I was fired because of a "poorly executed" task. My boss claims that I just copypasted an existing document in a new file; I was instructed exactly to take the document and move its content to a new table without changing anything. It was discussed beforehand, but looks like his own messages are not a proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 86