Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest...

By Taylor - 21/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Dubuque

Today, my boyfriend drove 20 miles to come see me. The closest we got to intimacy was him showing me how he could unlock his iPhone 5s with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 353

You deserved it 8 189

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Same thing different taste

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 5 246

By Skullie - 19/02/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 838

You deserved it 4 965

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 314

You deserved it 7 649

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 636

You deserved it 8 167

Nice try

By bonzo - 22/06/2015 14:41 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 956

You deserved it 2 710

Needs

By Short end of the stick - 18/06/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my long-distance boyfriend announced he’s sleeping with someone else and he can’t take the distance anymore. I literally drive 12 hours to see him every weekend. I just took a week off to spend time up there with him. So basically he can’t go 5 regular days of the week without sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 169

Quickie

By wasntworththedrive - 20/01/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 737

You deserved it 4 921

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 6 011

Is that it?

By Better not - 24/01/2018 20:00 - United States - Kenai

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another five days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 283

You deserved it 2 389

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 150

graceinsheepwear 33

Monday 21 April 2014 16:20

Dick move.

Nmaredia 4

Monday 21 April 2014 16:18

At least you saw some action

Comments

xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11

Monday 21 April 2014 17:25

OP should have played along and recorded his/her genitalia on his phone. That might have started the fire.

kinky44 28

Monday 21 April 2014 17:58

Actually his hands are pretty busy so he has to unlock his phone with his dick.

cathrope 10

Monday 21 April 2014 18:05

The poor phone, I'm surprised it didn't call the cops and say it was being violated.

ahh_rats 15

Monday 21 April 2014 18:12

I'm assuming he doesn't know how to unlock those legs...

A_Perfect_Circle 12

Monday 21 April 2014 18:22

He whipped it out and you still didn't make any type of move?!

plunkit 6

Monday 21 April 2014 18:33

I remember when phones already had knobs on them.

isk8element 9

Monday 21 April 2014 18:57

My girlfriend lives 800 miles away...get over it

6dandaman5 8

Monday 21 April 2014 19:08

You should have showed him how to open it with your hard nipple , and then take it from there

gbrodee1 5

Monday 21 April 2014 23:36

what the ****

meom 7

Monday 21 April 2014 19:13

20 miles is not far at all.

eddiebaysarkis 5

Monday 21 April 2014 19:16

It seems very strange that his dick was out and nothing happened ...

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 713

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 300

You deserved it 14 749

The Top

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 275 517

You deserved it 88 424

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 267

You deserved it 1 374

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 121

You deserved it 420

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 160

You deserved it 5 523

Today, I got stuck in the drier. My step-brother came to help out. His pullout game is weak. He literally could not pull me out of the drier and had to call a handyman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 332

Today, my boyfriend went through my phone while I was in the bathroom, to check if I was cheating. I'm not. He was looking for some leverage for when he told me he's been fucking my best friend for the last year, he could use something against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 443

You deserved it 261