Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and... - FML

By Saradee - 24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 200

You deserved it 10 966

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

This ain't working out

By just a reaction - 17/08/2020 23:09

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 056

You deserved it 337

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 177

You deserved it 9 148

Cool moves, bro

By Anonymous - 30/06/2012 09:45

Spicy

Today, in an attempt to be sexy, my boyfriend picked me up and threw me down onto the bed. I fell straight through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 367

You deserved it 5 692

By alltern8ive - 09/11/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 5 111

Kinky

By LaLa - 09/01/2012 05:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 7 879

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 715

You deserved it 6 019

Sensitive snowflake

By onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 422

You deserved it 26 486

By I warned him - 19/12/2014 02:39 - United States - Marietta

Today, I beat my boyfriend in a video game. He promptly dumped me and told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 116

You deserved it 4 643

By myasshurts - 14/10/2011 23:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 734

You deserved it 6 665

Are you experienced?

By still laughing - 28/08/2015 21:48 - United States - Providence

Spicy

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 5 109

Next

Top comments

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Monday 24 December 2012 9:38

Wear a chastity belt next time and scream," YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

Roguedork19 8

Monday 24 December 2012 9:44

No, this is Patrick. O.o

Comments

Obey_StudBoii 23

Monday 24 December 2012 18:14

Knee him in the nuts and scream "LIKEABOSS"

fishstick557 14

Monday 24 December 2012 18:14

That is AWESOME

simoncat 11

Monday 24 December 2012 18:17

People with small swords often resort to big moves. If he looks like Gerard Butler, stick around for a bit. If not, go conquer another. He's a jerk for the foot move. The yell...eh... He's an immature twit.

Obey_StudBoii 23

Monday 24 December 2012 18:20

He sounds like a douche.

danivolley64 10

Monday 24 December 2012 18:19

I would have stood up and pointed out the door and said "AND THERE'S THE COUCH!" Sorry about your fall, OP. :)

Jonny_Blaze0017 26

Monday 24 December 2012 19:10

lol

verkaderk 9

Monday 24 December 2012 19:31

What is the point of posting 'lol'... Waste of time and space

ArchaeologyDude1 5

Monday 24 December 2012 19:34

I'm sorry, but this is hysterical

ajackofallyrades 3

Monday 24 December 2012 19:39

Like a boss!

Donovan_757 8

Monday 24 December 2012 20:01

That's the coolest thing ever!

DaProblem1019 3

Monday 24 December 2012 20:05

This is the funniest shit I've read all day, love that movie. Sorry though :-(

LMR1995 2

Monday 24 December 2012 20:08

Give that guy a metal!

4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 124

You deserved it 40 855

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

The Top

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 402

You deserved it 27 538

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 2 837

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 211

You deserved it 53 469

Today, my boss told me that people from work have been complaining about me. Apparently, I'm not doing part of their jobs for them, and the other manager sometimes does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 090

You deserved it 1 514

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time, and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 296

You deserved it 2 540

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 141