Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping... - FML

By bdw89 - 29/12/2016 18:42 - United States - Warrensburg

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 299

You deserved it 1 023

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Same thing different taste

By BustedEgo - 23/03/2014 05:31 - United States - Norway

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 815

You deserved it 7 326

Humping

By needanotherbed - 28/05/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Spicy

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 413

You deserved it 6 196

By Ananimus - 26/08/2015 12:31 - United States - Peekskill

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 594

You deserved it 2 376

Protip

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 01:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 980

You deserved it 4 442

Wet noodle

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 108

By Gabi - 20/02/2012 14:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 258

You deserved it 6 553

Love language

By Anonymous - 07/05/2015 02:12 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend complained that I only respond to his flirtations with exasperation and annoyance. Apparently, grunting and humping my leg like an ill-mannered dog while I'm trying to wash dishes is his way of flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 392

You deserved it 4 102

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 192

Turn me on

By wot02 - 27/07/2015 02:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 3 305

Effective

By zstarr - 14/07/2012 11:15 - United States - Rome

Spicy

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 622

You deserved it 32 432

Next

Top comments

Venomousfantum 1

Wednesday 4 January 2017 17:59

Quick question. Where in the world did he get that idea? Funny thing sure but definitely weird.

JustRidingMyBike 3

Wednesday 4 January 2017 18:06

You can communicate with him and let him know which ways you would like to be told "I'm horny" and what may turn you on better. It would be a better solution than simply waiting for him to figure it out. I had this chat with my girlfriend years ago and it helped us get on the same page for sex.

Comments

Sarah Cummins 13

Thursday 29 June 2017 1:16

My husband?

Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

The Top

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 412

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 347

You deserved it 403

The Top

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 270

You deserved it 3 433

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 141

You deserved it 7 743

Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 337

You deserved it 651

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 313

Today, not even 10 minutes into my job as a student teacher, I've had one student wipe boogers on me, another pee their pants, and a third won't stop crying for his mother. This is my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 170

You deserved it 1 841

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 599

You deserved it 2 743