By BabyG2222 - 29/09/2012 09:14 - United States - Sturgeon Bay

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 152
You deserved it 5 192

BabyG2222 tells us more.

BabyG2222 3

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.

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Top comments

saIty 17

Interesting, but do you know whats worse? Having your boyfriend wipe his cum on your forehead and whispering "Simba".

361 10
Athleticism 11

I've never heard the term "spank the ferret." I thought he spanked a ferret and it sprayed the girl.

184 9

Comments

LarryLaDouche 13

"Oh how dare he **********!" "What a disgusting individual!" "You should dump him, drown his goldfish, burn down his house, and then take a literal dump on him!" Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you people? Let him jerk it, it's not like he was doing anything bad or harmful to their relationship!

35 10
X_Codes 11

Well, not all girls like being shot in the face to the lyrics of "The Amazing Spiderman." I mean, apparently OP's boyfriend thought it'd be funny. I don't know about funny, but it sure as shit is *something*.

19 1
my_user_name 7

47, did you miss the rest of that story? Where he shot her with it and sang the spider man theme? I think you might be missing the point of the FML.

9 2
gmc_blossom 21

75- Exactly. Just because he finished on her, doesn't mean she should be finished with him.

3 8
olpally 32

Tonight we're doing facials! Giggity! :D lmao... Love the wording of this FML *favorited*

14 1
XxQueenofPuppets 10

You should have stepped in to help, then maybe it wouldn't have gotten everywhere. Or better yet, you could have aimed it at him

8 1
SelenaMilkshake 17

I find it hilarious actually...I probably would have laughed it off, but all to his own I guess.

5 4
Posthuman 26

I'm pretty sure if he was singing the spider man theme, he would be milking the spider ;)

2 1
perdix 29

Ok, I've reported this crime to PETA and the SPCA. What kind of monster spanks a defenseless animal until it loses bladder control? They're coming to your place to take the poor little guy into a safer place, away from such abuse. I hope it's easy to get ferret urine out of your clothes and hair. It's ironic that such a disturbing story of animal cruelty sounds vaguely like a euphemism of masturbation.

53 2