By BabyG2222 - 29/09/2012 09:14 - United States - Sturgeon Bay

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 152
You deserved it 5 192

BabyG2222 tells us more.

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.

Top comments

saIty 17

Interesting, but do you know whats worse? Having your boyfriend wipe his cum on your forehead and whispering "Simba".

I've never heard the term "spank the ferret." I thought he spanked a ferret and it sprayed the girl.

Comments

But I can see why she may not love that. Haha.

CountMango 5

I question the legitimacy of this FML.

I can't get over the fact her term for his masturbation is "spank the ferret." Am I the only one who's heard that before, or am I just sheltered?

#79 - *raises hand* But I got it from the context... after the animal-abuse visual, unfortunately.

enormouselephant 15

How about flicking some beans his way, whilst singing the 'I'm a Barbie girl' song?

devore504 7

to the people saying we should know what it means sorry we arent all ***** who know everything about sex and playing with yourself

Shadow_Phantom 26

and I'm sorry you feel the need to shame sex like that.

lacespace 8

If there is one thing you SHOULD know about in life, it's playing with your own self. If not that's just very unorgasmic. I'm sorry for your loss.

Shadow_Phantom 26

Wait... what? Now you're contradicting yourself.

When he was a coming of age may be he was bitten by a spider on his ding dong. But remind him "with great power comes great responsibility" ;)

WatsonIsThatDood 6
Dusty_Busters 15

He didn't even do it correctly! You're supposed to shpunk in your hands and THEN flick the webs!! This sounds more like a Ghost Buster to me!