By BabyG2222 - 29/09/2012 09:14 - United States - Sturgeon Bay

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 152
You deserved it 5 192

BabyG2222 tells us more.

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.

Top comments

saIty 17

Interesting, but do you know whats worse? Having your boyfriend wipe his cum on your forehead and whispering "Simba".

I've never heard the term "spank the ferret." I thought he spanked a ferret and it sprayed the girl.

Comments

so when I first read this I was like why did he spank a ferret and then spray you with some unknown substance? HA but then again, I'm not real familiar with penis terms. So I gave it some thought before posting unlike some and realized the true meaning of this FML and this is gross and I would be pissed lol.

LudicMonster 22

The euphemisms used these days...

dstrad11890 4

Spank the farrett...... First time I've ever heard of that

rubbing it out in bed isn't wrong but spraying all over you (if you don't like it) is a problem. Spider-Man thing song just makes him a guy, my guy sings and says random shit and I find it funny. but talk to him and tell him how you feel. if he doesn't listen then break up.

Haha spank the ferret, never heard that one :D

I imagined the weirdest scene just now. It took me a couple of tries reading it through to finally get it, but I laughed at myself when I finally got it. I honestly have never heard the term "spank the ferret".