By BabyG2222 - 29/09/2012 09:14 - United States - Sturgeon Bay

Spicy
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML
I agree, your life sucks 28 152
You deserved it 5 192

BabyG2222 tells us more.

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.

Top comments

saIty 17

Interesting, but do you know whats worse? Having your boyfriend wipe his cum on your forehead and whispering "Simba".

I've never heard the term "spank the ferret." I thought he spanked a ferret and it sprayed the girl.

Comments

missababgaga 19

Whenever I hear the expression "Spank the ferret" I think of my two ferrets at home, and how awful it would be if someone spanked them!

OP, your boyfriend clearly needs help with both his aim and his use of pop culture referents. For the first, please keep your hand safely on his dick. For the second, good luck. *shrug*

I would call the RSPCA/Animal Cruelty Hotline

Why would anyone spank an adorable ferret?!

GreenDayFanatic 5

I swear I thought you meant he smacked an actual ferret at first... O.O

You definitely deserve it if you sat there throughout the whole thing and took it.

praetor_fml 3

Was I the only one who thought they had an actual ferret in bed with them?

Harlequin073 6

Awesome! Do not let that guy go!

LMAO spank the ferret? What happened to the chicken?