Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on...

By Rowden - 26/04/2010 09:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 292

You deserved it 9 637

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By hannah12345 - 26/02/2010 17:54 - France

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 820

You deserved it 31 859

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 545

You deserved it 14 765

By fml - 07/03/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 701

You deserved it 24 991

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 937

You deserved it 15 971

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 5 793

By Snufflopagus - 01/01/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 517

You deserved it 10 605

By Jumja - 15/01/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 212

You deserved it 5 713

Food fight

By hss - 30/05/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 889

You deserved it 49 756

By skiittlez713 - 20/05/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 309

You deserved it 16 569

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 129

You deserved it 10 619

karina_said 0

Monday 26 April 2010 16:02

your boyfriend is a pussy

luvmybby062308 0

Monday 26 April 2010 16:07

You should've told him you two would burn it off in a couple minutes(;

Comments

tagedawg 0

Saturday 8 May 2010 0:15

totally gay

krystalpantss 0

Sunday 9 May 2010 5:43

sounds like your boyfriend has an over grown clit for a dick

BradenFontaine 0

Sunday 23 May 2010 10:38

Yeah, you might wanna find a different dude...

tdcole 0

Sunday 23 May 2010 20:55

whats wrong with him?

hobo_lowbo 0

Monday 24 May 2010 18:00

GAY rub some on a strap on and watch him eat it up

Sk1rac3r 0

Wednesday 26 May 2010 6:15

dude he probably just saw u doing it, then called you for ***** and giggles

half3mpty 0

Friday 4 June 2010 6:46

I can understand if he didn't want the nips, but whipped cream? Come on man, no one can turn down whipped cream. That weirdo.

Jay_JWLH 0

Saturday 5 June 2010 13:02

His priorities are completely in the wrong place.

Zeeke 0

Saturday 5 June 2010 23:56

Damn right.

sparklies 0

Sunday 6 June 2010 20:07

YDI for having a gay boyfriend...

BandGeek8872 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 16:29

Wow, what the hell is wrong with him?

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 237

Today, I annoyed my friend by texting him "Meow" over and over at random times of the day because when he's drunk he meows in his sleep. Apparently a great way to get back at me was to tell my parents I wasn't a virgin, and that I got high on Wednesday. He had pictures to prove it for both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 634

You deserved it 68 713

The Top

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 753

You deserved it 373

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 016

You deserved it 7 218

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try “things” while under the influence. I suggested he go down on me; he thought about it for a second and then said, “I would, but I don’t want to get scared when I take a look.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 274

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 692

You deserved it 13 538

Today, I restarted my PC a few times because of a little clicking noise coming from the direction of the tower. No, my hard drive wasn't doing a death rattle, it was music coming from ear buds lying beside said tower on the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 823

Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 290

You deserved it 37 954