Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on...

By Rowden - 26/04/2010 09:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 292

You deserved it 9 637

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Same thing different taste

By hannah12345 - 26/02/2010 17:54 - France

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 820

You deserved it 31 859

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 545

You deserved it 14 765

By fml - 07/03/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 701

You deserved it 24 991

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 937

You deserved it 15 971

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 04:37 - United States - Northridge

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 097

You deserved it 5 793

By Snufflopagus - 01/01/2014 13:26 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 517

You deserved it 10 605

By Jumja - 15/01/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 212

You deserved it 5 713

Food fight

By hss - 30/05/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 889

You deserved it 49 756

By skiittlez713 - 20/05/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 309

You deserved it 16 569

Yummy

By lovely - 26/02/2014 18:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 129

You deserved it 10 619

karina_said 0

Monday 26 April 2010 16:02

your boyfriend is a pussy

luvmybby062308 0

Monday 26 April 2010 16:07

You should've told him you two would burn it off in a couple minutes(;

Comments

furordei 2

Friday 28 October 2011 16:04

It is bad for you. Try vegetables

alival 12

Monday 14 November 2011 4:07

Whip cream isn't that many calories

richard92105 0

Friday 16 December 2011 3:14

tell him his dick is full if calories so you won't have to do that either

Captain0bv10us 0

Friday 30 December 2011 12:54

Maybe some mashed avocado will be better?

Irakli_1 27

Saturday 3 March 2012 18:02

then what the hell? I'm thin :D

SkoomaKi 27

Monday 2 July 2012 0:31

He doesn't want to commit carbicide!

bignut24 13

Wednesday 11 July 2012 10:34

Dude ur Bfs a huge pussy and he's gay Wat kind of guy wouldn't jump at the chance to luck whipped cream off nipples

spliit_fml 8

Wednesday 30 January 2013 13:06

He's trying to watch his figure.

B5B0N35 18

Sunday 24 February 2013 8:34

a man has his limits

jonathanedwards 10

Monday 17 March 2014 7:51

U mean ur girlfriend

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 135

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 933

The Top

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 369

You deserved it 18 425

Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 98

Today, I told my boyfriend he needed to wash his sheets more often after I discovered the same wet spot from the last time I slept over. He shrugged and said, “What’s the big deal babe? It’s your spot.” It’s been over two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 173

Today, I was driving when this guy aggressively rode my tail and crossed over the yellow line to pass. He reached the stop light before I did, and I slowly pulled beside him and started clapping for this lunatic driver. He rolled down the window and said, "My daughter is in the hospital. How do I get there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 078

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 627

You deserved it 2 547

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 3 038