Miscellaneous: Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party... - FML

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 130

You deserved it 2 529

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Same thing different taste

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 445

You deserved it 3 817

By art_major - 25/05/2011 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 865

You deserved it 7 627

By parentof5 - 23/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643

You deserved it 24 788

Happy birthday?

By Not really - 19/07/2018 15:00

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he'd suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 398

You deserved it 1 049

By pdub523 - 27/01/2013 05:57 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 193

You deserved it 3 814

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 4 009

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 151

How appropriate

By ohgod - 14/08/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 556

You deserved it 7 949

Glittery letters

By Anonymous - 27/01/2020 18:00

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 454

News to me

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 20:00

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 184

Next

Top comments

_Peppermint_ 34

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:56

No kidding!

player20270 32

Sunday 24 May 2015 0:04

I imagine your daughter won't enjoy the pictures from her birthday party, when she gets the real meaning of the shirt's phrase.

Comments

MiaTheMartian 21

Sunday 24 May 2015 4:43

makes sense haha no offense OP

Paws_Cat 29

Sunday 24 May 2015 4:45

I hope it wasn't describing your daughter.

gintwinsmoore 20

Sunday 24 May 2015 4:53

"small penis, huge asshole".

Starfire950 5

Sunday 24 May 2015 5:06

on your dads bday wear a shirt that says "My dad loves small penis"

berkeleyjake 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 5:31

truth in advertising

PANDORUM89 21

Sunday 24 May 2015 5:55

I feel like some of the members on here are a tad dramatic. I don't think your dad is a dick. I think people who order 25 items in the drive through, or honk literally as soon as the light turns green are dicks. Your dad just made a bad judgment call. I'm sorry and I hope you explained why it was not a good choice.

birdybirdchirp 18

Sunday 24 May 2015 6:35

True statement then.

Atowns40 18

Sunday 24 May 2015 6:39

Is it bad that i want that shirt? Lol

cjfred 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 17:51

Not at all, #48, as long as you have the sense not to wear it to a kid's birthday party!

daltonc21212 10

Sunday 24 May 2015 7:31

that is funny as hell

Ivy_Kun 14

Sunday 24 May 2015 7:59

How dafuq does that make sense? It's like the saying is going against itself

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The Top

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for twenty minutes because of a football game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 148

You deserved it 6 979

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 2 303

The Top

Today, my ex asked me to take the kids for the day, which was odd as it's her weekend. My son let slip that she was getting ready for a surprise birthday party, but I wasn't supposed to know. As it's my birthday in 3 days, I was touched that she'd planned something. Turns out it's a surprise party for her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 491

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 506

You deserved it 5 759

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 11 903

Today, my wife made me sleep on the couch because I ate the last Magnum Ice Cream bar. Last week, she bitched me out for singing too loud in the shower. I strongly regret leaving my ex-girlfriend of 5 years for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 1 893

Today, I went to a party to see my crush. He offered me a drink and I declined telling him that I don't drink because alcohol makes people act stupid and crash their cars. He then saw me back into a car parked on the street and shatter my backlights as I reversed from the driveway to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 289

You deserved it 73 383

Today, I was out with my niece at the store. Where we live there aren't many people of color, so it's surprising when you do see someone like that. Anyway, we were shopping and my niece just hysterically screamed, "IT'S A CHOCOLATE MAN EATING CHOCOLATE!" while pointing at a black man eating chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 179