Miscellaneous: Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party...

By Anonymous - 23/05/2015 07:03 - United States - Tampa

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 130

You deserved it 2 529

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Same thing different taste

By nick - 06/03/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 445

You deserved it 3 817

By art_major - 25/05/2011 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 865

You deserved it 7 627

By parentof5 - 23/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643

You deserved it 24 788

Happy birthday?

By Not really - 19/07/2018 15:00

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he'd suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 398

You deserved it 1 049

By pdub523 - 27/01/2013 05:57 - United States - Longview

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 193

You deserved it 3 814

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 4 009

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 151

How appropriate

By ohgod - 14/08/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 556

You deserved it 7 949

Glittery letters

By Anonymous - 27/01/2020 18:00

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 454

News to me

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 20:00

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 184

_Peppermint_ 34

Saturday 23 May 2015 23:56

No kidding!

player20270 32

Sunday 24 May 2015 0:04

I imagine your daughter won't enjoy the pictures from her birthday party, when she gets the real meaning of the shirt's phrase.

Comments

thorpe90 8

Sunday 24 May 2015 9:32

Where can I get a shirt like that? But instead of small have it say big

cjfred 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 17:47

Well, was he wrong on either count? I'm guessing not.

papabear88 6

Sunday 24 May 2015 17:48

least he is honest

Cebolamole 13

Sunday 24 May 2015 22:39

At least he's honest...

goldcock19 9

Monday 25 May 2015 2:15

Your dad is a legend

BiGTiMeNeRD 29

Wednesday 3 June 2015 20:16

Don't forget to add ''tiny brain'' to the shirt also.

TheAspieDork 27

Saturday 2 July 2016 21:35

He's a huge dick for wearing that, that's for sure

Wolverine48Ga 21

Tuesday 30 August 2016 14:12

Well the shirt is right...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 115

You deserved it 3 104

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 639

You deserved it 1 196

The Top

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 449

You deserved it 11 656

Today, I babysat my neighbor's twin 4-year-old girls again. When I took them out for lunch, they apparently had been addressing themselves as "my bitches", taught to them by their devil spawn 13-year-old brother. Everyone, including Chuck E. Cheese himself, was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 870

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 807

You deserved it 6 394

Today, I was gambling on pull tabs. My friend, never much of a gambler, asked to take one. I was confused but gave one to him anyway. I got precisely $0 from them. The tab I gave to my friend was a winner. How much was it worth, you ask? Six hundred dollars. I'm very happy for him, but… seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 353

Today, I was crossing back over the Mexico-US border. My mother-in-law got out of the car to go to the bathroom, since traffic was horrible. Two hours of worrying sick later, turns out she crossed the border without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 315

You deserved it 818

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 689

You deserved it 19 727