Health: Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing...

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 376

You deserved it 4 053

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
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Same thing different taste

By fucking har har, dad - 05/10/2012 23:38 - Australia

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 569

You deserved it 2 376

By justhelpful - 02/07/2012 17:44 - Austria - Mils

Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 142

You deserved it 2 033

By Jeff - 02/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, after a stay at the hospital for two broken legs, I finally got home and attempted to relax. My dad went to hand me the remote and dropped it right on my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 651

You deserved it 138

Priorities, mate

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident. When my dad came to pick me up, instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when we went to the hospital, while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 966

You deserved it 4 158

Awkward silence

By kayin - 10/12/2010 01:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 477

You deserved it 6 596

By FootyFoot - 06/03/2012 11:50 - Australia

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 464

You deserved it 3 223

Not a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 847

Drunk level: 2000

By morningbirdie - 20/09/2020 14:01

Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 99

Hurting over here

By wo-ow - 06/06/2014 23:09 - United States - Bronx

Today, I fell down the stairs and broke my leg. My dad helped me to the car so he could drive me to the hospital, but when he saw our neighbor, he went over and had a 15 minute screaming match with him over how his dog keeps shitting on our lawn, all while I sat in the car in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 347

You deserved it 4 332

By maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 888

You deserved it 4 984

madellen 16

Wednesday 17 September 2014 0:01

Well he's a 'dick' for saying that op!

ImTheAlpha 30

Wednesday 17 September 2014 0:01

Sometimes I'm glad my dad left. But then I realize my mom finds this stuff equally hilarious.

Comments

imbatmanfir 15

Wednesday 17 September 2014 3:50

Well did you?

rabid_otaku 29

Wednesday 17 September 2014 4:25

Not for you, I realize, but that's funny as hell.

Stevend3095 9

Wednesday 17 September 2014 4:41

I feel like this is probably from my buddy Jacob.

ClassyCataclasis 4

Wednesday 17 September 2014 4:48

Don't go opening Pandoras box there. what has been seen cannot be unseen!

jeriaslovesyou 16

Wednesday 17 September 2014 5:15

Geez how embarrassing.

LisaDay 14

Wednesday 17 September 2014 5:20

over a joke?

Surfboy1017 9

Wednesday 17 September 2014 5:42

Dont feel bad OP, i have a buddy the got caught masturbating by his mom, flew off his bed & broke his arm

Alikgentry 8

Wednesday 17 September 2014 5:52

so...how did you break your leg?

Jonfun 14

Wednesday 17 September 2014 5:53

That's not FML that's kind of event it's more like entire life is over nearly, forever.

ethanszlez 14

Wednesday 17 September 2014 5:56

well did you?

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USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 15

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 389

The Top

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 539

You deserved it 5 452

Today, my 5 year old lactose intolerant daughter decided to have some chocolate. The result: me cleaning the bathroom walls at 3am, finishing at 4:30am, and then start cleaning again at 5am when her stomach contents decided I had missed a spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 316

You deserved it 4 529

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 4 444

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 502

You deserved it 2 660

Today, my phone ran out of space, so I downloaded an app to store all my photos online. After everything transferred, I deleted the 1,000+ photos from my phone, along with the "recently deleted" file since it was also taking up space. The app is now empty of all "downloaded photos". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 916

You deserved it 2 871

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 852