Miscellaneous: Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're...

By Singed - 04/07/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 370

You deserved it 43 638

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Same thing different taste

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 163

Catching strays

By Anonymous - 04/06/2024 13:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 948

You deserved it 2 841

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 599

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 3 344

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 554

You deserved it 2 159

By Bacon0426 - 04/07/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 775

You deserved it 1 117

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 580

You deserved it 2 558

By Mel - 07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 972

You deserved it 12 963

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 364

You deserved it 5 853

Essentials 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

Perhaps you should listen to your father in the future eh? Next time he might stick it somewhere else.

AshleyRose784 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

wow, your dad is officially nuts

Comments

Lehk 9

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:38

you dad is a pretty cool guy

crisle12358 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:38

your dad is awesome

Cromwellsandwich 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:46

Happy fourth :D

xXHoNoRXx 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:47

that's ******* funny

alissa412 33

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:47

wow! sorry, FYL! actually, this sounds just like something my father would do!

LetItRock2009 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:52

that's soooooo goddamn funny! I cant believe ur dad would be crazy enough to do that! its a miracle nothing caught fire. still- soo funny.

freeball 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:54

My dad used to regularly shoot a rifle up the flu to clean the chimney... FYL?

triplethreat13 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:58

OH! OH! I MODERATED THIS ONE! i think it's hilarious!!

KRD727 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 1:03

I like it!

c3ns0r3dn4m3 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 1:09

happy fourth of july ~ ! ;D

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Management Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism Coworkers Relatable Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 64

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 170

The Top

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 554

Today, I went to spend my last $50 on gas, since I get paid in 5 days. I paid for the gas and stepped into the restroom briefly. I came out, only to discover that the attendant had put the gas on the wrong pump, and someone had used it for themselves. My tank is empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 427

You deserved it 6 616

Today, my boyfriend got upset after I politely asked him to do the laundry. He takes every chance he gets to act macho and brag to people about how he's in the Marines, but apparently he is too much of a pussy to act like a man and clean his own clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 743

You deserved it 6 639

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 706

You deserved it 8 785

Today, my boyfriend was helping me with my medications. While I called the pharmacy, I looked over and saw him making the pill bottles fight each other, with sound effects and funny voices. He's 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 456

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing, and having lots of kinky sex with, I’m talking "confess to a priest or take to your grave" kind of kinky, is actually my cousin who moved abroad when she was two years-old, and only just recently moved back here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 479

You deserved it 385

Same thing different taste

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

Catching strays

Single shot

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