Miscellaneous: Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're...

By Singed - 04/07/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 370

You deserved it 43 638

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 163

Catching strays

By Anonymous - 04/06/2024 13:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 948

You deserved it 2 841

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 599

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 395

You deserved it 3 344

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 554

You deserved it 2 159

By Bacon0426 - 04/07/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 775

You deserved it 1 117

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 580

You deserved it 2 558

By Mel - 07/05/2011 22:27 - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 972

You deserved it 12 963

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 364

You deserved it 5 853

Essentials 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

Perhaps you should listen to your father in the future eh? Next time he might stick it somewhere else.

AshleyRose784 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

wow, your dad is officially nuts

Comments

madame_malfoy 4

Sunday 5 July 2009 7:35

your dad is my hero...

ms33 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 8:01

hahaha what a legend

FarSide 22

Sunday 5 July 2009 8:04

I would have fired a Roman Candle at your ass.

Qup 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 8:27

your dad's an asspi€

egaonogenki 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 8:37

#97, an Aspie is someone who has Asperger's Syndrome.

Alexgoesfml 3

Sunday 5 July 2009 14:01

#98 So? We call everyday people retards, and everyone knows what a retard is.

gu355_wh0 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 9:44

i love the smell of gunpowder. anyway...you think your parents are nuts...my parents put a freakin cockroack in my room just to get me to clean it. im terrified of cockroaches, and i only had two shirts and a pair of shorts on the floor. i found this out when i rolled over in the middle of the night and see it crawling across my wall three inches in front of my face...thats about when i jump up screaming and run straight into the wall

Nightfallz 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 11:30

so where is the fml in this?? omg it's the 4th of july and someone lit a firecracker. worst fml ever this should not have made it past mods

shnibz101 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 13:48

You dad flying ******* insanely ******* awsome, you should be proud that you have such a ******* awsome dad

shnibz101 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 13:51

89 once again a week ago

Alexgoesfml 3

Sunday 5 July 2009 13:59

FYL. Why the **** does he deserve it? Most people would call his bluff. That can actually be quite dangerous if in the wrong hands, from the sounds of it is true.

Emm986 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 16:19

hahaha. Love it. Your dad is made of win! Seriously people...lighten up! it's a Firecracker, not a Firework...much different category. A firecracker would be loud and smelly, but wouldn't do too much damage. And it would be relatively easy to clean up. Honestly, you were warned... Your dad is a BAMF for following through with it! (It'd be a different story if he did it at 6 a.m., but I'm guessing you were still asleep at 1 p.m., which is annoying.