Intimacy: Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents....

By MIB thingy please... - 05/02/2015 01:21 - United States - Oregon City

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 991

You deserved it 5 573

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Same thing different taste

By whoawhoawhoa - 28/12/2010 22:04 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 634

You deserved it 4 984

Pull up

By ohdeargodthatswrong - 09/01/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 479

You deserved it 6 198

By so_screwed - 25/09/2013 06:59 - United States - Salinas

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 508

You deserved it 13 892

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 886

You deserved it 4 880

Thin walls

By xtilltheendx - 05/10/2020 20:08 - United States

Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 1 422

By sometingwong - 01/12/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 395

You deserved it 3 450

Scolded

By oopsies - 08/01/2010 01:07 - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 054

You deserved it 5 469

The moment when…

By wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 108

You deserved it 74 047

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 586

You deserved it 47 219

Method acting

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 05:08 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 643

You deserved it 45 066

JMichael 25

Thursday 5 February 2015 17:30

And that's when your dad when into serial killer mode.

salamancer 11

Thursday 5 February 2015 17:31

As opposed to the inside of his penis???

Comments

chrissy3272 6

Thursday 5 February 2015 18:24

break his dick

newzealand 28

Friday 6 February 2015 1:35

literally or metaphorically? there's a painful difference. .

LaurenRoxsU 9

Friday 6 February 2015 4:04

@85, How does one metaphorically break someone's dick? I'm genuinely curious here.

SoNotReal 2

Tuesday 17 February 2015 3:57

I think the metaphor involves "using it" excessively and/or harshly.

joeblow6969 5

Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

And this was a date, not a long term boyfriend? Little douche needs to be taught some manners. You can probably do better.

rabbi1010 29

Thursday 5 February 2015 18:58

At least he said it the correct way.

The_Avatar 22

Thursday 5 February 2015 19:13

I visibly flinched at the uncomfortableness of that statement

katekoala 13

Thursday 5 February 2015 19:21

Wow, that's almost as good a line as "if I ****** you, I wouldn't pull out."

kellilynn 18

Thursday 5 February 2015 19:22

And they say chivalry is dead.

valalvax 13

Thursday 5 February 2015 19:41

Shit I'm pretty sure I've said the exact same thing to my gf and I KNOW she's said it to me

vikky538 28

Thursday 5 February 2015 19:44

did your parents correct his sentence..

duhdarling 11

Thursday 5 February 2015 19:49

lol at least you know he's into you...

robertd73 24

Friday 6 February 2015 5:42

He wants to be into her.

Spadoinkle 10

Thursday 5 February 2015 19:53

Who even says shit like that? That's just stupid and not at all romantic. What a fucktard.

brokenjawskhan 21

Thursday 5 February 2015 20:12

OP's boyfriend is a horny toad ...

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The Top

Today, I was grocery shopping when a little kid pointed at me and yelled, "Mommy, look! It's the man from the cereal box!" I don’t know whether to feel flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 83

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets whenever she wanted dick in public. So now every time he goes in one, he gets a boner and has to "get rid of it" before he can come out. FML

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You deserved it 350

The Top

Today, I realized what I thought was bad lighting and poor TV brightness was actually night blindness. I found out while driving to work at my new night shift job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 163

You deserved it 246

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 237

You deserved it 5 104

Today, I somehow have both crippling depression and a fear of death. Please end me, but don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 122

Today, after getting out of the shower, I was in a good mood. So I decided to run around the house naked, then play air guitar while air drying, just for fun. My blinds were open, and the men in the Fedex truck in my front yard did have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 629

You deserved it 34 567

Today, I begrudgingly helped relocate my 84-year-old mother-in-law to our home at my partner's adamant request. It took months of stressful preparation, around $10,000 in costs, and some 500 km travelled via medical transport. Ten minutes after arriving, she had a heart attack and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 202

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 834

You deserved it 31 908