Love: Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires...

By Anonymous - 04/11/2012 18:14 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 789

You deserved it 2 375

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Same thing different taste

By Vampprobs - 25/03/2014 01:52 - United States - Skandia

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 149

You deserved it 3 223

LET ME OUT!

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a group of people who smelled like they bathed in garlic. It was so bad that I'm pretty sure Dracula would have tried to claw his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 103

Minor threat

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 12:33 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I'm now afraid to argue with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 480

You deserved it 3 446

By shastadoe - 06/08/2012 06:37 - United States - Los Banos

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 621

You deserved it 5 862

I can explain

By 1nn0cen7 1 sw3ar - 06/05/2022 14:00

Today, I had to walk through the women's perfume section to get to my normal aftershave. A woman was trying out a perfume, which she squirted on herself and me. You can imagine the afternoon I had to endure after I got home to my wife and she could smell "some slut's scent" all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 175

J'ACCUSE!

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 14:00 - United States - Sterling

Today, after I'd been working a 14-hour day, my wife texted me to tell me how she would like to kill me. Apparently, the lid to the garlic container was not screwed on tight enough and it spilled all in the fridge. How is that my fault? FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 158

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 17:50 - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 930

You deserved it 2 511

By xBubbles38 - 18/07/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 960

You deserved it 6 278

By bleachingmykidsbrains - 01/07/2015 23:38 - Canada - Montréal

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 787

You deserved it 1 731

By whyme - 07/02/2012 06:38 - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 2 120

Callyn 47

Monday 5 November 2012 0:56

Get her to a mental health professional. If she's that delusional, she needs medical care.

JustKittyKat 24

Monday 5 November 2012 0:57

At least she isn't one of those people praying everyday to become one.

Comments

5sonic 22

Monday 5 November 2012 4:15

She's a keeper :D Good luck op

LetsBeRealistic 3

Monday 5 November 2012 4:23

Lets get realistic here. U couldnt see in the time before u married her that she could possibly lack the mental capacity to understand simple such as that? Why marry someone ur gonna complain about? Get over it. U did it to urself

Posthuman 26

Monday 5 November 2012 5:35

You marry them because you love them? Duh? Yeah you can complain about someone all you want, but if you love them, you love them, not choose someone with a little more sanity

TheNewGuy03 28

Monday 5 November 2012 15:48

66 -- actually, there are plenty of occasions in which the partner in the relationship doesn't reveal certain negative aspects of their being until after they've tied the knot. She could have chosen now to do so, but there were likely other (less obvious) indications that something of this nature could occur. However, as the years go by, you will find a lot of less-than-palatable things in your partner, some of which are deadly to a relationship. 77 -- love is certainly necessary to have in a relationship, but, in my opinion, it takes a lot more than that -- it is merely the "glue" that holds two people together. It is fairly easy to fall in love with someone, but you can't have missing pieces, because there will be nothing to hold together. TL; DR. :(

dancer4life143 13

Monday 5 November 2012 5:37

How ridiculous of her! If she watched The Vampire Diaries she'd know that vampires can only be killed with a wooden stake through the heart, getting their heart ripped out, or burning in the sun, so she's wasting her time with the garlic.

Calingaladha 21

Monday 5 November 2012 17:49

Only garlic is one of the oldest vampire repellants in the book. Not saying they're real, just saying the garlic practice is much older than The Vampire Diaries.