Animals: Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger... - FML

By mugged - 20/03/2011 20:29 - United States

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 431

You deserved it 4 852

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 995

Unattack dog

By woofwoof - 30/12/2014 04:17 - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 007

By macguy - 20/10/2016 14:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 1 009

Not so smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 09:11 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 317

You deserved it 6 858

By mr_dinzaster - 30/05/2019 22:00

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 1 878

Naughty boy

By Bad boy - 21/09/2023 06:00

Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 218

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 278

You deserved it 9 704

By Cedar Buero - 05/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 402

You deserved it 685

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 345

You deserved it 7 383

By ZAnon - 06/02/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 709

You deserved it 3 826

Next

Top comments

BLAZZZEEEDDD 1

Sunday 20 March 2011 23:30

dogs always go for food

AlienX_fml 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 23:45

I usually bring an apple when i mug people. Just in case they have a dog.

Comments

SuperNova69 0

Monday 21 March 2011 4:53

Hah that sucks my pitbull would go for anyone who came in the house it didn't know, 100 pounds of beast and if u had food it would take it and then tare you apart lol

pappuyaer 0

Monday 21 March 2011 5:29

dogs dont eat apples & if it went for an apple, you must be really a bitch ;-)

irokyoursox 6

Monday 21 March 2011 5:44

that sucks... wouldn't happen to me cuz bear grylls taught me how to fight muggers

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Monday 21 March 2011 7:15

I love how on man v. wild he will do the most ridiculous things. "The sun went down! better drink my own urine and then eat road kill!"

rush1869 0

Monday 21 March 2011 5:58

shudda gotten a German Shepherd really smart and loyal

Dekenaye 0

Monday 21 March 2011 6:12

he probably thought the apple was the one mugging you

laurbear12 3

Monday 21 March 2011 6:41

granny smith lol

m1ssophiebee 0

Monday 21 March 2011 6:55

oh nooo~ my puppy is the same way -.-

eminembmwh 0

Monday 21 March 2011 7:02

get a Pitt bull

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Monday 21 March 2011 7:12

I love apples too! Mmmm a crisp pink lady apple... heavenly.

hey_kid94 9

Monday 21 March 2011 7:22

I would have gone for the apple too :)

3
4
5
6
7
8
9

Keywords

Friends Love Awkward Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable You're fired Work Cars Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, I was on my way home from a friend's house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know I was on my way. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 074

You deserved it 6 726

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 127

You deserved it 3 083

The Top

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 655

You deserved it 4 226

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 945

You deserved it 2 370

Today, after months of trying to make my girlfriend orgasm, she finally did. It was with my brother. I'll definitely knock next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 834

You deserved it 1 603

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "Is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 757

You deserved it 2 235

Today, I got better sleep in my 30-year-old compact car with it being 40 degrees outside than I did in my bed. Got something to look forward to, as I'll be homeless soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 437

You deserved it 341

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 592

You deserved it 13 687