Animals: Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger...

By mugged - 20/03/2011 20:29 - United States

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 431

You deserved it 4 852

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 995

Unattack dog

By woofwoof - 30/12/2014 04:17 - Turkey - Izmir

Today, I got mugged while walking my dog. He seemed to be OK with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 3 007

By macguy - 20/10/2016 14:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 1 009

Not so smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 09:11 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 317

You deserved it 6 858

By mr_dinzaster - 30/05/2019 22:00

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 1 878

Naughty boy

By Bad boy - 21/09/2023 06:00

Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 218

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 278

You deserved it 9 704

By Cedar Buero - 05/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Cape Girardeau

Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 402

You deserved it 685

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 345

You deserved it 7 383

By ZAnon - 06/02/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 709

You deserved it 3 826

BLAZZZEEEDDD 1

Sunday 20 March 2011 23:30

dogs always go for food

AlienX_fml 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 23:45

I usually bring an apple when i mug people. Just in case they have a dog.

Comments

HurryUp_and_BUY 6

Monday 11 July 2011 6:55

OP, I totally understand, my dog eats apples too lol.

youtubetre_fml 14

Thursday 27 October 2011 23:04

I understand your dog ...

Dylan420z 4

Friday 11 November 2011 7:29

This is why you need a Pittbull, they would rarher want meat then a healthy apple

penniesguy4323 1

Wednesday 25 April 2012 18:49

That's HILARIOUS lol

Simbaby 23

Sunday 9 February 2014 20:35

He didn't choose the thug life he chose the healthy life .

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The Top

Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 121

Today, I found out that my boyfriend lost a bunch of money by buying some scam cryto crap linked to that "Hawk tuah" girl. Easiest break-up ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 114

The Top

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 264

You deserved it 248

Today, after spending almost an hour in the dentist's waiting room, watching other people get called in for their appointments, I finally lost my patience and asked the receptionist what was taking so long. I'd forgotten to sign in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 523

You deserved it 48 220

Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 445

You deserved it 44 963

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 869

You deserved it 2 721

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 535

You deserved it 57 308

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 565

You deserved it 3 068