Kids: Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw...

By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 141

You deserved it 6 496

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Same thing different taste

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 357

You deserved it 2 782

By laurwitharawr - 06/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 434

You deserved it 4 437

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 197

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 757

You deserved it 337

By mom - 26/01/2014 04:29 - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 938

You deserved it 10 139

By sleepy - 23/05/2011 04:57 - United States

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 883

You deserved it 8 366

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 585

You deserved it 4 373

By rkl2010 - 23/05/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 464

You deserved it 3 456

By LoveYouTooMa - 20/06/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 926

You deserved it 32 603

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 859

You deserved it 3 436

PoshLife_Cross 5

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:07

That's cute.

xlittlemiss 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 19:07

LOL. Well you can't blame her. She's only 5.

Comments

JeremyDahms 0

Friday 23 December 2011 22:21

Wow, who cares if she listened, she vomited on the floor.

omggtfomi 1

Saturday 24 December 2011 4:52

Awe ^_^ that's cute she's only five

nenaboricua1221 2

Friday 30 December 2011 1:31

That is super cute, I wouldn't even be mad at her. I'd just laugh and pat her on the head and say, silly I ment puke in the toilet :D

sexyman3 0

Saturday 31 December 2011 7:08

you deserved it... for giving birth to him... oops wrong post sry!!!

pandalover00 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 2:50

Awww that's adorable did you have fun cleaning it up?

DJDude_Arazely 10

Wednesday 7 March 2012 7:15

Haha you gotta love kids, right? Anyway, I thought this was kinda cute but it does suck.

AEady15 3

Tuesday 20 March 2012 15:45

Kids do the darnedest things :)

XxblueglazexX 0

Friday 30 March 2012 6:53

Awesome!!!!!

My_Screwy_Life 0

Wednesday 20 June 2012 3:18

Aww hope she gets better and at least she made it to the bathroom ;)

cloudygirl5 16

Monday 9 July 2012 20:47

Ewwwww

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I agree, your life sucks 36 855

You deserved it 4 564

Today, my longtime crush, who turned me down because he’s “sick of women”, just got into a relationship. He made it Facebook official, with photos of them and everything. Wanting to even the score, I commented, “So it seems your sickness of women is cured, huh?” He bitched at me for “ruining his moment” and deleted me. FML

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You deserved it 1 029

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I agree, your life sucks 23 107

You deserved it 14 326

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 049

You deserved it 3 694

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 520

You deserved it 7 463

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 189

You deserved it 21 640

Today, I've been talking to a chick since early this year and she seems to like me a lot. We were both drinking heavily and were talking on the phone, having a really good time. Suddenly it hangs up. I get her back on the phone just a few minutes later only to hear her getting the bottom knocked out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 274

Same thing different taste

Toilet training

Oh, hai Mark!

Amplified

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