Intimacy: Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at...

By notinflammable - 27/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 363

You deserved it 127 907

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 203

You deserved it 14 885

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 953

You deserved it 6 454

It's getting hot in here…

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 470

You deserved it 3 299

What? Why?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 1 057

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 485

You deserved it 5 317

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 812

By blocked_by_fire - 17/04/2012 18:13 - United States - Pullman

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 4 518

By batsu - 27/01/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 972

You deserved it 66 790

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 588

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 1 279

Shock98 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:21

why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?

marrajane 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:23

You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???

Comments

mnell 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 9:14

Ahahah. Ahahahah. Ahahahahahahahahhahah. GJ. I respect that you posted it on FML, though. Takes guts.

Roxas_fml 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 9:40

You've got balls of fire, dude.

ciaobella_fml 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 10:21

Wow i found this so funny. I think I laughed at this for 3 minutes lol, ok im lame hehe. but wow who would do that. YDI

ShenziSixaxis 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 10:34

You should've known the sock was flameable. Although, FYL for all the semen on the walls. And probably ceiling. And floor. And belongings...

Schadenfreude20 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 10:40

Inflammable means flammable? What a country!

Jackthestripper 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 12:08

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY SERIOUS!?! HAHAHA THAT'S GOLDEN!!

stringoffail 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 13:50

Are you trying to say "non-flammable"? Inflammable means "Able to be inflamed." Which is to say "Flammable." Semen might not burn right away (until the heat boils the moisture and the proteins start to burn), but cotton will burn. How come these stupid FMLs make it on the front page, but mine never do. Lame.

stringoffail 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 13:52

Another detail that makes me think this is a short work of fiction: Semen inside of a sock, or even on the outside a sock is viscous enough to stay put, even if you're flinging a sock fairly hard, especially since once you blow your load into the sock, it starts absorbing liquid right away. Now THAT'S an experiment you should try. Trying to fling semen off a non-burning sock.

Coffee_Kaioken 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 14:21

I'm just going to say this made me laugh my ******* ass off. Rather than chiding him. Good work, OP.

jack01 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 15:40

inflammable means it can be set of fire, and nonflammable means that it can't be set on fire. Also, a sock is flammable, so even if you put something nonflammable in there, it would still catch of fire. therefore, YDI for being a complete idiot.