Intimacy: Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at...

By notinflammable - 27/06/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 363

You deserved it 127 907

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Same thing different taste

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 203

You deserved it 14 885

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 953

You deserved it 6 454

It's getting hot in here…

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 470

You deserved it 3 299

What? Why?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 1 057

She's electric

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 485

You deserved it 5 317

Love is love

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 106 812

By blocked_by_fire - 17/04/2012 18:13 - United States - Pullman

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 4 518

By batsu - 27/01/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 972

You deserved it 66 790

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 50 588

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 1 279

Shock98 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:21

why on earth did you think this was a good idea in the first place?

marrajane 0

Saturday 27 June 2009 12:23

You know that "flammable" and "inflammable" mean the same thing right? Inflammable things catch fire???

Comments

El_Oh_El 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 17:52

YDI. I don't really believe the semen all over the room thing though, how much can you jack out anyway?

CozmicAshes 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 18:01

you ever seen freaksofcock.com ?

CozmicAshes 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 18:00

god all of you are stupid he says semen is very much NOT inflammable which means he saying it is not flammable so he know what he is saying and that the thing burning was his sock and he is just retarded for trying it

santiluvins09 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 18:38

NOT INFLAMABLE IS A DOUBLE NEGATIVE DUMBASS

zzyzzyxx 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 22:46

You caught it! So did #57. I think you'll find his other observations rather astute as well. But here's an informative graphic, just for you, courtesy of Maddox, which shows how far you have to go to not sound like an idiot. http://maddox.xmission.com/keyboard4.jpg

dumbasspricks 0

Monday 13 July 2009 13:57

First off maybe #231 needs to help you too. Not inflammable is definitely not a double negative since the prefix in- is not negative. Here, let me simplify it for you: not inflammable = not flammable. Okay? Also, everyone who keeps stating the flammable and inflammable is the same and that the guy is a moron, first off, get another synonym for moron, and secondly, WE UNDERSTAND THAT FLAMMABLE AND INFLAMMABLE IS THE SAME THING. By the way, I hope #231 is proud of me. Oh, and you spell inflammable, well inflammable, not inflamable. Thank you.

avoid567 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 19:16

lmao uhh.. maybe you thought the semen wouldn't be flammable..but did you ever think maybe the SOCK WOULD BE?

myfairyoshi_fml 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 21:40

# 231 you win! Man, I love grammar.

More_Nonsense 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 21:44

It's also impossible to bob your head back and forth with your mouth open.

wrestling49 0

Sunday 28 June 2009 22:12

i cud never jack of in a sock

doof_fisch 2

Monday 29 June 2009 7:33

why not? It's convenient and stimulating.

DaelLittle 0

Monday 29 June 2009 0:41

Inflammable means that the gases an object produces can catch fire. Idiot.

Tamerlan 0

Monday 29 June 2009 0:48

Heeeey, you know, if you take shit before you go to sleep, and than rub some of that shit around your nose and sleep like that, an angel is going to visit you. Why don't you try it out? At least, you won't get semen around your room...