Love: Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce... - FML

By dzisfml - 14/02/2010 08:42 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 539

You deserved it 4 619

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Same thing different taste

By RIP Turd (peacebeuponit) - 17/12/2014 18:47 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 891

You deserved it 6 638

Pranked

By dontevenassk - 12/06/2009 04:44 - Canada

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 160

You deserved it 3 781

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:33 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 920

You deserved it 8 678

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 680

You deserved it 2 410

By Karmaisabitch - 18/05/2012 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 265

You deserved it 53 316

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 05:26

Today, I had diarrhea in a public bathroom. When I was finished, I noticed that someone had pissed all over the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 4 697

By unknown - 21/09/2011 12:40 - Philippines

Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 627

You deserved it 39 165

Funny, huh?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2024 03:00 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, after having an upset stomach for two days, I thought it would be funny to rip a fart in front of two teen boys at the hardware store. It wasn’t until I crapped myself wearing shorts and it ran down my leg into my sock that I realized it wasn’t at all “funny.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 1 092

Happy Easter!

By Dummy - 01/04/2018 15:00

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 746

You deserved it 1 436

Next

Top comments

MermaidSongXOXO 6

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:05

And it was. Your point?

smbridges 15

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:11

yea i agree with #8 you should have seen the discoloration of ur tp i mean unless ur tp is usually orange!!

Comments

VanessaVander 2

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:10

wtf?

smbridges 15

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:11

yea i agree with #8 you should have seen the discoloration of ur tp i mean unless ur tp is usually orange!!

perdix 29

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:11

What a bunch of assholes -- to light up yours!

Gobsnoglin 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:13

How do you not notice bright red sauce stains on TP you are about to use? Bright red TP maybe?

pink_shades 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:13

that sucks. ouchieee

aDropOfSunshine 2

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:13

I know that taking an in-depth look at your toilet paper before you use it is something most people don't do, but if it's on the roll or in your hand and looks as though it has already been used, I'd say that's a red flag.

CallMeHush 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:18

Rub Icy/Hot on the toilet seat. When they stand up and the air hits it... WHOOSH! instant heat.

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 14 February 2010 17:50

I have one of those with Dora-- I mean, it glows in the dark.

Starfire22 5

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:26

ok, I'm thinking that the OP meant that thier friend took a jalepeno or something and rolled it on the toilet paper. which would then make sense, because if you just touch one of those hot peppers, you wouldn't notice that it was on your hand untill you, say, touch your eye and experience a burning sensation...

Starfire22 5

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:28

and it doesn't leave a residue like hot sauce would...

waterynuggets 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:51

Lol that could have been true, but unfortunately the OP fails miserably at making up FMLs.

Ajjas013 6

Sunday 14 February 2010 17:52

Chili Pepper extract is like 500X (Level up!) spicier. It's too bad they didn't use it :(

Starfire22 5

Sunday 14 February 2010 18:21

I have seen some fml's that have wording changed by the mods, but it couldbe that the OP did mean Tabasco sauce, and that they didn't see it untill they were going to wipe...

lissn 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:27

This kind of humour may not be of good tastes but GOD DAMN it IS funny!

xDConversexD 0

Sunday 14 February 2010 16:29

1st. LOL

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The Top

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 73

Today, my wife waited until we’d been married for two weeks to tell me she has a mountain of credit card debt that she’s been hiding from me. This explains why she insisted the mortgage and car be in my name, her credit score is so low that it’s almost a double digit FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 132

The Top

Today, I have the flu, so I called my boss to let him know I couldn't come in today. He told me to think my "lies" through better, and claimed that you can only get the flu during winter. So I guess I'm faking my pale skin, short breath, runny nose, and constant sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 496

You deserved it 1 971

Today, for the sixteenth day in a row, my husband slept in the guest room because he doesn't want to disturb the dogs once they've fallen asleep on our bed, so they don't hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 121

You deserved it 1 287

Today, it was my Sweet 16. My cousin threw a tantrum in the middle of it. She popped balloons, threw chairs around, and threw my gifts off the balcony. Reason being, she turned 16 last year and didn’t get a party. She perhaps forgot that last year we were in a pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 147

Today, I got a rental car because my car needed new tires and I had a long drive ahead of me. Today, the rental car got a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 380

You deserved it 1 095

Today, at the beach, my son was screaming and crying because the sand was burning his feet. I told him to put on his sandals. He got mad and threw them in the ocean, then started crying harder when he realized they were gone. He's now hiding under the bed in the condo and is refusing to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 202

Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 592

You deserved it 12 027