Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave...

By Andrew - 23/10/2012 19:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 487

You deserved it 11 464

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Same thing different taste

By horsefuck - 07/08/2015 12:51 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 563

You deserved it 6 892

Rushed

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 660

You deserved it 44 717

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 750

You deserved it 42 640

Why would you stick that there?

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 885

You deserved it 61 102

Cockblocked

By AudreyUs - 10/12/2008 19:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had the house to ourselves. We started getting a little frisky when we discovered we out of condoms. After a quick run to the store, we found ourselves locked out of the house. Now we have condoms, but no way to use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 720

You deserved it 18 488

Kinda awkward

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 01:18 - United States - Tampa

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 258

You deserved it 37 892

Considerate

By BadLuckLad - 22/10/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend cheating on me. The guy turned around and said, "Sorry, I borrowed your condoms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 390

You deserved it 3 890

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 735

You deserved it 5 684

By wtfjusthappened - 31/01/2014 15:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 831

You deserved it 13 049

brokenly 5

Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:59

My comment sucks.

LiterOfCola 16

Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:59

I'd say ask her for a ******** but...

Comments

pinkiewinkie 3

Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:55

The solution is simple...*******! I would never leave my husband hanging like that

mccoole727 13

Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:58

It is at least better than watching a soap opera, by yourself, with a boner!

Dcm210 19

Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:58

she probably wasn't in the mood, so she did that on purpose.

KingCeltic77 18

Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:02

That tears it.

riffrandall 2

Wednesday 24 October 2012 5:18

I'm mildly embarrassed by how hard this made me laugh.

YouFailForLife 7

Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:11

That sucks OP, but at least you have self control and stay safe. Good man

greeneye_fml 12

Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:29

Its called a handjob and she owed you one.

nyxxx_fml 4

Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:35

Don't you just hate it when girls use there teeth??

TheApocalypse 5

Thursday 25 October 2012 1:37

Their*

jjmiller1001 17

Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:38

did your break her mouth? or ask her for a hand....???????

RedPillSucks 31

Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:38

his hands had a headache

blackmauser95 3

Wednesday 24 October 2012 4:54

This guy sets the bar for safe sex

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Cats DIY Management Poopoo peepee Work Awkward Relatable Coworkers Frustration Am I overreacting? Capitalism ADHD Dogs Animals Transportation Love Dating Health Anxiety Technology Mental health Sleep Roommate Clumsy Noise AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 856

You deserved it 6 630

Today, I'm working 12-hour overnight shifts for the next three days. My fiancee can't seem to grasp the concept of sleeping during the day, and keeps coming into the bedroom and telling me to stop being lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 98

The Top

Today, I forgot to take my phone out of my bathing suit pocket before I went into the pool. It's not a high-end phone, so that's not why FML. The FML part is because I was on vacation, didn't have internet access, and the phone has no external memory card, so all the pictures I took while on vacation are lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 515

Today, I had my first trauma nightmare, about my classmates who had drugs planted on them so the police officers could abuse them for being queer. It's been 16 years since high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 208

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 720

You deserved it 4 971

Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 939

You deserved it 4 242

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 695

You deserved it 3 608

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 289

You deserved it 9 633