Health: Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into...

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 106

You deserved it 3 666

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By DHarman - 25/05/2010 23:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 641

You deserved it 4 071

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 5 417

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 621

You deserved it 36 079

By ThatHurts - 14/11/2011 00:11 - Canada

Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 301

You deserved it 34 577

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 17:26 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 335

You deserved it 5 169

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 133

You deserved it 15 186

Time to run

By Anonymous - 24/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 98

Get out

By Anonymous - 15/07/2022 00:00

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 160

By anonymous - 09/10/2011 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 275

You deserved it 27 588

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 671

You deserved it 531

DocBastard 38

Tuesday 18 January 2011 1:04

Sorry, but domestic abuse is not something you joke about. You should beat her for that. Er, discuss it.

TransitionCovert 6

Tuesday 18 January 2011 1:03

Now you can beat her.

Comments

GvIntense 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:13

give her a cookie

louie111887 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:21

dude no way she is saying that ?! that's all bad my friend. don't get arrested. be careful.

minidinosaurgoes 9

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:22

damn... first, i hope u break up with her, and second, she should be hsppy to hav a non abusive bf and not pretend wen a lot of people do have abusive partners so maybe she should switch places with one of them and realize how dum it is 2 use sumptin like that as an excuse!

WhatTheFuq 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 5:14

My IQ just dropped 10 points by reading that. Now I'm left with 8.

kcnutt10 1

Tuesday 18 January 2011 8:46

Damn, you're grammar doesn't have to be perfect, but at least learn how to ******* spell simple words!

lalizard_ocho 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 12:23

Damn. This shit makes no flippin sense? Were you drunk?

IneffableLullaby 13

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:28

Dump her. No partner should ever make up a rumor that could cause serious consequences such as that, especially over something as insignificant as clumsiness.

Chris19801012 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:34

That f'ing bitch!!!! Get rid of her!

swampstomper 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:44

that really sux

Das_Judenburg 0

Wednesday 29 June 2011 19:23

haha cripple

KayyLily 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 2:54

dump the bitch.

taticalnNinja 5

Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:01

That's a win, jus sayin

minidinosaurgoes 9

Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:49

no it's not! people die from abusive relationships so it's nutin to joke about, JUST SAYING

docscientist 9

Tuesday 18 January 2011 5:37

Don't blame him 48, he's just a kid.

Leyla13 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 6:57

Ur hot haha randomness

valri3 0

Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:02

That's why I've seen all these weird sex related and train FMLs. o.0 (joking)

keepmeonthedl 7

Tuesday 18 January 2011 3:03

Your girlfriend is dumb. No one should ever use an excuse like that. That's a serious issue. She doesn't deserve you if she's going to make up lies like that.