Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for...

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 023

You deserved it 11 617

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Same thing different taste

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 312

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 151

You deserved it 7 122

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 105

You deserved it 7 022

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 464

You deserved it 9 862

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 566

You deserved it 32 065

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 474

You deserved it 3 671

Quick thinking

By rolyat - 01/05/2012 16:41 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 723

You deserved it 4 005

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 3 765

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 5 568

irishfever 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 1:48

not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her

kwbuzz23wk 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 1:48

sounds like a compliment

Comments

nicerdicer 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:14

the japanese word for 'obstacle' is the same as 'opportunity'

Some___Guy 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:16

What a great society we have - gunshot to the face on TV? No problem. Nudity (natural human body)? Satan!

fretforyerlatte 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:16

i'm just curious what the panel of FML-ers think is the appropriate amount of time to wait to have sex. one waits four months and you all call her a ****, this one is two years and no one can believe it. just wondering..

un_known_fml 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:17

Oh my god, you poor man - 2 years? Wow. Lol and I agree - her fainting sounds like a compliment ;)

waxstigmata 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:17

oh god people actually wait until they're ready to have sex? they don't just **** in the first month? Self control, whats that? come on people, just becasue you screw anytime the feel horny doesn't mean the rest of the world has to (no i'm not refering to everyone, just to the assholes feel they their way of ******* is superior to people who want to wait) get over yourselves.

Crash92 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:22

For some reason I feel that I have heard this in a movie before?...

vag_fml 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:22

is this your memory from 1918?

mandyibabyix3 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:26

i agree with #90 completely that people should wait until the they're ready to have sex.. but i don't believe that being with someone for two years, she hasn't even touched it.. let alone SEEN it. ..or maybe she's seen it on accident, and was horrified by the sight of it, and thats why you haven't gotten laid in two years and thats why she fainted.

seonfire 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:28

How old are you guys? And what have you been doing for the past two years?!

ihavescrawnylegs 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 3:28

#46 get a life you sound just sound like some ugly girl who's never gotten some and never will as for this FML: props for stickin with it for 2 years, and hopefully it wasn't cause your dicks ugly