Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at...

By FavreFan99 - 01/01/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 534

You deserved it 23 620

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 07:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 967

You deserved it 3 614

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 836

You deserved it 6 346

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 241

You deserved it 3 697

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 575

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 412

You deserved it 5 119

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 436

You deserved it 7 540

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 428

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 349

By Proposal Fail - 01/01/2015 05:47 - United States - Holbrook

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 639

You deserved it 3 751

Bussed 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:08

There are still options at that point...

ironwords 8

Sunday 27 March 2011 1:05

??? are you the product of incest?

Comments

onceuponapenis 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:54

dude that's when you just keep going, never heard of a double nut?

somethingnew319 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:57

dam u ****** fail big time

tonyihopness 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 5:31

omg! is ****** realy a verb?

rainergeis 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 0:09

Derp

tman118 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 5:55

I did

hrtstealer 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 6:59

think of statistical stuff. you won't be having a girlfriend in 2011 if you can't last 5 minutes.

bibbit 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 7:26

um I don't get what you mean by "make it"

i_wuz_nver_here 31

Thursday 23 September 2010 4:45

he didn't last long enough.

SeveralLake 18

Thursday 22 December 2016 17:20

You may be too young for this app

eric62086 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 8:43

thats just horrible...

JESUSlives4MUSIC 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 10:09

noob...

MrPresidentBoss1 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 11:54

Only seven minutes away. Time to man up. I doubt that you could have made that happen at the exact minute.

Andyangels27 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 12:26

Brett favres a fagget

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my dad has been faking social anxiety to make me feel like there's something wrong with me. How do I know? Because I actually have social anxiety, and he not only shows no symptoms of it, but he also has a lot of misconceptions about it that he would know are false if he actually did have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 180

Today, I told my boyfriend of nearly a year that I finally told my mother about him, and that she wants us to fly out so he can meet her. He said “OK” with a blank expression. I went to work, and when I got home, he and all his stuff were gone. He left a note on the fridge, saying, “Sorry, I can’t do this anymore. All the best.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 131

The Top

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 832

You deserved it 1 374

Today, I realized I don't know anything about driving if the instructor isn't sitting beside me. I realized it two minutes into my driving test, which I failed miserably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 887

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 306

Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 383

You deserved it 4 275

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said, "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 053

You deserved it 12 707

Today, I was excited to go to swim after a long time of not doing so because of Covid restrictions. After changing into my trunks and putting my goggles on, I jumped into the pool straight away, while still wearing my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 675