Kids: Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter...

By BigBadTron - 15/05/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 820

You deserved it 3 223

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Same thing different taste

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 951

You deserved it 5 323

By noo - 11/10/2009 10:54 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 2 424

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 559

You deserved it 2 947

By zed - 09/09/2012 17:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 929

You deserved it 3 112

Pleased to meet you

By Cookie Monster nom nom - 17/05/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 193

By jgboy - 14/09/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 190

You deserved it 9 510

By Jake - 28/09/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 3 465

Love Island IRL

By Anonymous - 23/06/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 191

By gotnogame - 31/01/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 060

You deserved it 37 929

By embarrassed - 11/11/2011 15:17 - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 124 265

SP63_fml 0

Friday 15 May 2009 23:03

Ouch man. Thank god people were just glaring and laughing.

stfuminjakid 0

Friday 15 May 2009 23:09

Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.

Comments

jessxoxo28 5

Saturday 16 May 2009 0:02

LMAO!!!! i love kids!!!

anonymous2323 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 0:13

I agree with 26. Most kids don't say "Hey let's go take our clothes off!" in an excited tone if they actually knew what that meant. Usually people take what 5-year-olds say for a grain of salt anyway. No worries.

ohhhhshizzz 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 0:09

#7: Im gonna be another one of those people to call you an idiot, it was the MOTHER in bed sick, the MOTHER OF THE LITTLE GIRL, the OP's GIRLFRIEND. Good enough for you??? #27: Do you really think little kids know what the hell they are talking about and how to say things correctly, and when to say things or how to use them??? NO. OP: And now one of those lame bored soccer mom's will write down your liscense plate and report you for child molestation. J/K, lol. I for one, LOVEE little kids.

dr_house_MD 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:10

"today, something kind of embarrassing happened to me. everyone will forget about it in a day. fml"

xxjohnx5 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:41

i agree

o0ch 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:43

wow that's harsh

inerdablanket 4

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:13

#7; it's not like she has a deathly disease. She could just have a cough or something.

xxjohnx5 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:41

i kno how u feel. as a homosexual, one time i got kum in my eye from a male prostitute and i fell asleep and when i woke up it was all crusty and gross and i couldnt see. when i went to the hospital, i realized all my past friends and family had abandoned me for being gay so i had to stay in the hospital with the prostitute...Awkwaaard

xxjohnx5 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:46

i know how u feel. as a homosexual, one time i got giz in my eye from a male prostitute and i fell asleep and when i woke up it was all crusty and gross and i couldn't see. when i went to the hospital, i realized all my past friends and family had abandoned me for being gay so i had to stay in the hospital with the prostitute