Kids: Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter...

By BigBadTron - 15/05/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 820

You deserved it 3 223

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 951

You deserved it 5 323

By noo - 11/10/2009 10:54 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 2 424

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 559

You deserved it 2 947

By zed - 09/09/2012 17:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 929

You deserved it 3 112

Pleased to meet you

By Cookie Monster nom nom - 17/05/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 193

By jgboy - 14/09/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 190

You deserved it 9 510

By Jake - 28/09/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 3 465

Love Island IRL

By Anonymous - 23/06/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 191

By gotnogame - 31/01/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 060

You deserved it 37 929

By embarrassed - 11/11/2011 15:17 - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 124 265

SP63_fml 0

Friday 15 May 2009 23:03

Ouch man. Thank god people were just glaring and laughing.

stfuminjakid 0

Friday 15 May 2009 23:09

Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.

Comments

mehwhateverr 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 4:09

Everyone saying that the girl shouldn't use the pronoun 'we' because she wasn't referring to the man and herself, then what pronoun would *you* suggest she use? They? Me? She? He? It? .... No? We fits.

mehwhateverr 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 4:11

^ Assuming she was referring to HERSELF and the dog.

were_giraffe 2

Sunday 17 May 2009 6:47

woops removing my comment... it seems to have gone to the wrong fml sorry

paks7 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 7:04

75-nobody said she shouldn't use "we", they said she shouldn't have used "our" as in take our clothes off

starvingxartist 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 7:21

kids say the darndest things. really, though, that's really nice of you.

squeaky_fml 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 9:36

Awww that is SO sweet that you did that. You sound like an awesome guy.

waxstigmata 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 9:53

60...you're not that bright, if you really think its that incomprehinsable that a TOY, basically a 3D work of fiction, would not wear clothes buuuut, OP, thats cute and embaressing (mispelling, its too late at night to care)

Jennika 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 10:20

should have explained outloud to her so everyone could understand instead of leaving it so everyone was left to guess

12345678dance 0

Monday 18 May 2009 0:16

#48 you're stupider than #7... if you can't read the fml correctly, you can at least read more of the comments to see that the reason 7's comment was stupid was because he wasn't taking the sick person out, he was taking the daughter of his sick girlfriend out...