Kids: Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter...

By BigBadTron - 15/05/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year-old daughter out to eat. Halfway through our "date" she asks me loudly, "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 820

You deserved it 3 223

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Same thing different taste

By salad - 28/04/2014 15:38 - United States - North Charleston

Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 951

You deserved it 5 323

By noo - 11/10/2009 10:54 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 2 424

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 559

You deserved it 2 947

By zed - 09/09/2012 17:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 929

You deserved it 3 112

Pleased to meet you

By Cookie Monster nom nom - 17/05/2021 15:01 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 193

By jgboy - 14/09/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 190

You deserved it 9 510

By Jake - 28/09/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 939

You deserved it 3 465

Love Island IRL

By Anonymous - 23/06/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my date realised I have a daughter, her actual response was, "Ew." She then got up from our table and went and sat at the bar. By the time I paid my half (and only my half) of the bill, she was already glommed onto another guy at the bar with her hand on his thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 191

By gotnogame - 31/01/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 060

You deserved it 37 929

By embarrassed - 11/11/2011 15:17 - Canada

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 609

You deserved it 124 265

SP63_fml 0

Friday 15 May 2009 23:03

Ouch man. Thank god people were just glaring and laughing.

stfuminjakid 0

Friday 15 May 2009 23:09

Awe. Kids say the funniest things, like my 6 year old niece has words she can't say properly. For instance instead of saying directions she says erections lmao they honestly don't know what their really saying til their older.

Comments

I2OI3 0

Friday 15 May 2009 23:58

I really don't think this is a fake one at all - I've heard little kids say some awfully crazy things before, this is tame in comparison actually.

imkendra 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 0:01

Oh, how embarrassing! Rough break.

mrhahn530 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 0:24

"omg lolz dis is soooo fake!!!1!" Yes, in case you couldn't tell, I am mocking all of the people who cry fake. Chill out dickwads, even if its fake its still pretty funny. Man, everyone on here is so quick to be mr psychologist-who-knows-everything. Its the interwebs people, no one cares.

im_bored 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 0:41

Seriously, I'm the FIRST to point out how incredibly SWEET it was of you to do that! I think it's adorable and very admirable. Sounds like a cute kid too. We need more stand-up guys in this world!

AnaMaree 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 0:47

LMAO AT 24

TigressUK 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:04

#27 - You've never been around a kid have you?

somaturee 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:05

Daang, that sucks. Stuff like that happens to me all the time with my boyfriends' little sister.

deja54 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:32

This is what FMLs should be like.

Sanrio90 8

Saturday 16 May 2009 2:25

24- LOL OP- At least the po-po didn't git ya!

save_me_08 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 1:16

@39 Most of what is posted on this site fits that description. If people were to post stuff that was truly a sign of a ****** up life, it either wouldn't make it through the Mods...which I imagine happens anyway, or people would be upset because the site was just depressing and not entertaining.