Intimacy: Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight... - FML

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Spicy

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 957

You deserved it 6 908

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 24/11/2015 19:38 - Switzerland - Unterageri

Spicy

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 112

You deserved it 3 011

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 294

You deserved it 5 774

By polimeros - 09/05/2012 22:19 - Mexico - Queretaro

Spicy

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 611

You deserved it 41 834

By Anonymous - 21/11/2011 22:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 884

You deserved it 7 510

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 765

You deserved it 2 332

By RohnAbheek - 21/08/2011 17:36 - India

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 213

You deserved it 47 336

You learn something new every day

By Ben - 12/11/2020 19:06 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a boner and found out that I have retrograde ejaculation. I'm stuck in jail and can't get medication to fix this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 794

Bye bye

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 135

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 832

You deserved it 3 908

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 120

You deserved it 2 864

Next

Top comments

AyeTee77 18

Saturday 3 October 2015 8:36

Dude what

urbantrashcan 18

Saturday 3 October 2015 8:42

Haha I wonder how'd you react to Animal Planet

Comments

labowski1976 5

Saturday 3 October 2015 14:54

Weird European people

oliviadanjou99 15

Saturday 3 October 2015 14:54

How does that happen lmao

MELKOZAR 27

Saturday 3 October 2015 16:27

Bro-code: Never waste a boner.

zombie_batman 9

Monday 5 October 2015 1:36

Bro code: never wank to 2 grasshoppers mating

vikky538 28

Saturday 3 October 2015 18:17

I just threw up reading this.

HunterMark 14

Saturday 3 October 2015 20:24

What the actual ****?!

mcluvin_707 6

Saturday 3 October 2015 21:03

God didn't abandon us. We abandoned God.

smirnoff1589 9

Saturday 3 October 2015 21:31

You my friend are in need of some intensive professional help. That and you should watch the movie "the fly". I'm sure That'd get you right off you sick ****

silky_mitts 11

Saturday 3 October 2015 22:55

Enjoy the acne

blargblah 12

Saturday 3 October 2015 23:46

You're gonna have to explain that one.

mkayden 23

Sunday 4 October 2015 0:54

Mate u wot

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It's great to see you ! How was july ? Hot, sweaty, flirty ? How I miseed talking to you (and getting one or two comments if we're lucky enough). But let's not complain, a whole month welcoming artists for their second rounds who gave us brand new il...

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 18

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 46 509

The Top

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 465

You deserved it 523

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 549

You deserved it 6 757

Today, my dad had a chat with my fiancé, telling him he can do better than me, and to think carefully before going through with our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 353

You deserved it 4 240

Today, I had a photoshoot planned weeks ago, getting one of the last coveted spots. My boyfriend couldn’t even show up on time. It was a sunrise shoot. We arrived once the sun had been up for 25 mins already. He wondered "what the big deal is?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 211

Today, my kitchen is trying to kill me. So far, I've hit my head three times on cupboards that opened themselves, cut open my hand on the microwave door when it slammed shut, and burned my cheek with the "heat-proof" oven mitt when I pushed the hair off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 270

You deserved it 2 505

Today, I figured out why my 'best friend' hasn't talked to me in weeks. She assumed an FML post she read was about her. It was posted in 2009. I met her last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 945

You deserved it 1 746