Intimacy: Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you... - FML

By notinterested - 13/09/2011 10:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband dropped his pants and said, "Why don't you go down and say hello." This is his idea of foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 374

You deserved it 5 445

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Same thing different taste

Such a weird move either way

By 1337fade - 07/04/2011 05:19 - Denmark

Spicy

Today, my wife figured that a good foreplay move would be to rub MY underwear in MY face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 286

You deserved it 9 747

By Anonymous - 26/04/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 227

You deserved it 327

Sweet talker

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 080

You deserved it 7 264

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 501

You deserved it 11 071

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 528

No thanks!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 09:00 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 227

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 626

You deserved it 5 446

Pragmatic

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 14:05 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 4 957

By Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Spicy

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 365

You deserved it 1 408

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 116

You deserved it 6 512

Next

Top comments

sciencekidster1 8

Tuesday 13 September 2011 15:54

"Sorry, my mom told me not to put small objects in my mouth. I could choke."

gojira666 7

Tuesday 13 September 2011 18:15

"No thanks, I have a small nut allergy"

Comments

ChronicMbates 1

Monday 23 January 2012 19:54

I tell my significant other this as well and she laughs about it and does it

Badkittyinwa 2

Sunday 27 May 2012 9:51

I feel for you....that's the exact mood killer shit my crappy lover man says. To think I had a kid with this guy. It's ok when your drunk, or stoned but sober.....it's ******* lame.

redrose037 3

Friday 10 August 2012 7:41

Don't worry. Happens to me too. Don't think they realize how frustrating it is.

DarthVader77 9

Friday 16 November 2012 2:46

At least, there is no way to misunderstand him. ;)

crystalxa 35

Tuesday 24 September 2013 22:45

Men. There is no other word for it.

sonnyrosa 32

Tuesday 20 January 2015 17:45

HAHA... do all husbands do this at some point? This sounds very familiar. Mine leans in to kiss and nibble my ear and seductively whispers "you should touch it"... so romantic.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was, "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 266

You deserved it 14 171

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 2 715

The Top

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 517

You deserved it 7 112

Today, I’d finally saved up enough to buy flights home for Christmas. After putting in the info several times, it wouldn’t work, so my husband decided to try and “help.” Not only did he buy flights to the wrong place, but now I have to wait another 5-7 days to be refunded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 257

Today, while babysitting, I gave the boy a pen and paper because he wanted to draw me. When he was done, he let me see but then said, "Wait! I'm not done." He took it back and basically colored in the arms. I said, "I'm not wearing long-sleeves." He said, "That's hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 337

You deserved it 8 174

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 705

You deserved it 192

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 501

You deserved it 62 891

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I thought it was a great idea to go off into a park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park. Meanwhile, a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 550

You deserved it 74 345