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You deserve better than that! I say go through with the divorce!
He's not the bad guy, he's the worst guy!
He needs serious help, but you do too. Start attending Al-Anon (support group for friends and family of alcoholics) so that you can get yourself right. If he doesn't get the message and start improving himself, you may have to alter the terms of your deal. An understanding support group will help you with the decision and process.
you share rent with your husband?
My guess would be that they split the cost so that an equal amount is being taken from both their paychecks rather than the entire amount from one account.
Some people are talking as if the only problem is that the husband blew the rent money, or that he is an addict. What about the fact that he is unstable, unkind, abusive? You don't threaten divorce every time you're mad and then come back and ask why the other person is upset with you, as if nothing had happened.
The assumption is that the unstable, unkind and abusive behaviors stem from his addiction. Until he faceshis addiction, there's no hope for addressing the other problems.
I don't necessarily agree. Plenty of people are assholes with or without addictions. Sure, he needs to get it together and stay away from alcohol, but cutting that alone probably isn't going to make him a better person unless he wants to be one.
My father WAS abusive, but as long as he's on his antidepressants he's actually very nice and happy. My brother is the same way, as soon as he's not taking his meds his anger is out of control. Some people ARE just abusive, but sometimes they do just have a problem. If it's unsafe, obviously leave. I don't want to encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to stay in hopes they'll change, my dad did not until after my mom divorced him and he found someone else. I just want to explain sometimes there are causes to the behavior.
I know there can be mitigating factors, 73. I'm depressed myself, and I'm in much better control of my temper when I'm on meds. I just wanted to point out that some people are just awful no matter what, so OP shouldn't expect AA to be a magical fix for her boyfriend. In fact, I'd lean to accepting his "offer" of divorce either way.
That is definitely true. A big thing is if he's willing to even try to get better. He's still in denial it seems. If he refuses to even see something is wrong, there's really not much op can do. You can't help someone who doesn't want help, if he can't see something's wrong or is willing to try to get help.. Yeah, op needs to leave. And not the 'I'll try to be better' and nothing happens. If he's not going to actually try, you can't do anything.
If I were you I'd take him up on that offer of a divorce.....sorry you have to deal with all this OP....
Al-Anon for you. AA or divorce for him. It is a disease and he is sick, but only he can decide to get better. You need to decide the best for you and Al-Anon can help. I know. I am in AA.
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I could name plenty of reasons he's the bad guy.
Addiction (I would assume) can unfortunately do that. It's a terrible thing to have to deal with for everyone involved.