What the **** is wrong with you how is this in any way funny

Well OP it's great to hear you are working on your marriage, communication is key of course in any good marriage. I'm sorry to hear about your twins. I know it's not my place, but could one of the issues perhaps be that you haven't had any other long lasting romantic relationships? I know that for a lot of people, experiences with different people is something they value very highly and without it a lot of marriages can get somewhat ugly. I'm not trying to slam your way of life or anything, of course. I just haven't met many people who've been dating their husband since 14. Anyways, good luck, and again, so sorry. Hopefully you and your husband can work it out.

oh my gosh, OP my heart goes out to you both! that's so sad, you both frieved together and i hope you stay together until the end. if not, may you both live on and be happy.

I'm sorry for your loss. I wouldn't take the article as a bad thing. I stumbled on it, and when it hit home for me, I showed it to my husband of over four years and asked if I had unknowingly done those things. Men handle things differently and shutting them out, even though it is how you are dealing with things, can hurt them a lot. Especially something like the loss of children, you need each other, and you need to communicate fully. Best of luck, and I hope you are smiling, healing, and leaning on your husband.

grieve together *

I am very sorry for your losses. It sounds like you two have a very strong and committed relationship seeing you have been with him since you were 14. Stay strong and don't be afraid to lean on each other for support.

Thanks everyone. And 32, I don't believe any problems have come from how long we have been together. We both did have one serious relationship before the other. My husband and I have been going strong for about 7 years now, and we don't have any real serious problems other than recently. We both came from loving homes whose, family are still together, so there is No doubt in my mind that we will pull through this. It's mostly just a game on how we will heal, and how we can include the other in our healing process

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you two are going through. Best of luck in working things out with your husband. Just be there for each other. He's the only other person in the world who knows just what you're going through. It's the worst possible situation any parent/couple can go through, but he's there with you. I wish the absolute best for you and your family. You can find your way through this.

My ex husband and I went through the same thing, with the loss of twins. it played a key role in our splitting. The best thing you can do is grieve together and don't hold things in. Both of us made that mistake and it ended up destroying us. stay strong and my heart goes out to you both. I know how hard of a loss that is.

You are precisely right, OP. My twin started dating his future wife when he was 17 and she 15. They married when she was 19. They've been together 25 years. I met my love my first week at university, proposed to her 3 weeks later, and married her after a 4 month engagement. We've been together almost 25 years. There is no magical formula for finding your mate. Just love, work, and communication to keep him or her.

I am very sorry for your loss. My husband and I were married when I was 18 and he was 20. We lost our first son less than a year later. It was devastating to both of us and it was a very rough time in our marriage. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. While one of you may need to withdraw and deal with it on an internal level, the other may need to talk it out and have the physical and emotional support of their partner. I will suggest that you both have grief counseling....both individually and jointly.

I'm so sorry for you and your family, OP. So many good marriages are lost to tragedies like that. It sounds like the two of you love each other a lot and can get through this thing. I won't say stay strong, because in the face of something like this, you sometimes need to let yourself be weak. Instead, I'll say stay brave.

OP, I am terribly sorry for your loss, and I admire your commitment to your husband, but I really want to find him and punch him repeatedly for adding to your grief like this. Everybody grieves differently, and it's not your fault if you need a little space from him to process your loss. Him sending you that article makes it seem like it's your fault not only for your reaction, but also for the loss itself. It's not. If he can't see that, someone should flood his Facebook page with articles on 5 ways not to be a dick to your grieving wife.

Still pretty passive aggressive imo. He could have waited for you and talked about it when you got home. But not my marriage OP, hope everything works out for you two and congrats on the twins. Just FYI, kids change everything, so no, your life will never be the same again. Not a parent but have watched a number of people go through it.

#123 Read her follow up again. Very carefully.

PLEASE, go back and read the follow-up! Op and her husband lost their twins recently! It sort of changes things.

Good article if you are married to a *sexist time traveler from the 1950s, possibly 1850s. Fixed it!

I disagree about this article being sexist and outdated. Granted, the treatment is a traditional, single income household, where the husband is employed and the wife stays at home. My own marriage has lasted 25 years and 7 children; during most of that time, both my wife and I have worked, but there have been times where she has been stay at home mom, and a few times where I have been stay at home dad. If you take the author's caveat ("although this article is directed toward women, it applies to men as well") seriously, and read the article as applying to you regardless of whether you are the husband or wife, then it has some helpful points. As a man in his mid-40s, married to a woman in her mid-40s, I can assure you that even #4 can be reversed. As with pretty much every self-help article, take an honest look at yourself, apply those parts of the advice that are applicable, and become a happier and better person and spouse. OP: the most important thing in making it through hard times like the one you're going through now is that both of you want to work at your marriage. At times, marriage is easy. At times like this, marriage is not. If you both are willing to put in the (occasionally) hard work marriage requires, you will succeed. Based on what you've said, I think the 2 of you have a wonderful start on a long and satisfying relationship. Best of luck.

I disagree with it being sexist. Especially if you think of it as applying to both to both genders. It is sound advice: Don't spend money you don't have on luxuries and put stress on the finances (there's a reason why most fights between couples are over money), communicate clearly (don't make your partner guess what is troubling you....it's pointless and stupid), put your partner first( with everything and everyone in our lives it is easy to push your partner aside. Don't do it.), don't use sex as a weapon or a way to manipulate( this is so counter productive for so many reasons), and don't be negative all the time ( I call these people black hole people...they just suck the life right out of you).

And I maintain that the tone and POV of the article make it clear that the author was directing her advice toward women and added the hasty caveat about it applying to both sexes as a CYA maneuver. If the author had really been going for gender-neutral advice, she would have phrased it more like 101 did.

I'm just gonna throw out there that my husband is a little "sexist and old timey " at times.

Ooh, I wish you all the best, OP. If that works for you guys, whatever floats your boat, I guess. But since it doesn't seen like it's doing anything for you in a time when you really need his support, maybe try finding a counselor who takes your insurance and can politely remind your husband that this is the 21st century? I know you said earlier that you'd been talking to a pastor, but they can be a really mixed bag on their understanding of women's issues, depending on the denomination.

We both have seen a pastor (No ties to either of us) who has helped both of us a bit through this grieving period.

It's good you're seeing someone who can help you process your feelings. Try to surround yourself with as many people who can support you as possible. It makes things easier. Ultimately both grieving and marriage stress take time to heal. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. Take baby steps toward making the changes you need to. It probably hurt to get that message, but at least it could give you a good jumping off point for moving in the direction your marriage needs to go.

how are you not supposed to take that article personally? it's basically saying all the problems in the relationship are the woman's fault. it's a pretty terrible and accusatory article.

Because adults learn to look past childish impulsive "blaming" and recognize their spouses trying to communicate with them. Yes you could look at it like OMG he is blaming ME?! Well here is a list of everything he has ever done wrong. And then you're in a war to prove who messed up the worst. Or you could calmly approach him and say I got your email and I'd like to talk about it and ask why he thinks those things and how y'all could make things better. Maybe it's the way she shuts him out when she's feeling vulnerable. Maybe she wants him to ASK if she needs help and when he doesn't she passively attacks him. Then afterwards he knows how to proceed and communication is even better and nobody is at war. Or it could've been a joke that he thought was funny because guys have a different sense of humor. So not everything should be met with an all out defense. Talking can sort out more than blaming however STARTING the conversation is a lot harder.