Miscellaneous: Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his,... - FML

By fmlpgh - 16/02/2010 11:51 - United States

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 569

You deserved it 2 713

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/06/2015 14:11 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 022

You deserved it 2 228

By sirengamer - 14/06/2017 20:00 - United States

Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 981

You deserved it 313

By Fox_Undercover - 30/04/2016 20:33 - United States - Wareham

Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 445

You deserved it 2 954

By feckingnasty - 26/01/2018 19:00

Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 650

You deserved it 463

Fight Club for Dummies

By Jeff - 23/05/2019 22:21

Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 278

By Toothy_Peg - 13/06/2009 15:13 - Australia

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 221

You deserved it 4 332

Great idea

By dumbbb - 27/12/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 264

You deserved it 46 028

This guy is a GENIUS

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 20:02

Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 222

By 530gangsta - 25/04/2017 16:00

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 333

You deserved it 429

By ToddlersWife - 15/06/2014 11:10 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 295

You deserved it 6 101

Next

Top comments

caancoha 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:08

Next time you can offer him the giant, mutant tampon you pulled out of your ladyparts.

FernandoTorres_fml 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 20:06

A tooth for a tooth, exchange him your most prized molar.

Comments

hudaheo 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 21:58

you win!

YeahFMLxX 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:07

God, you so deserve a cookie!

Gulo_fml 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:15

Erm...he pulled it out himself? That might have been painful...

jessxoxo28 5

Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:20

thats romantic

fylseriously 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:28

I'm really lmao

Sindyy 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:38

Once, my ex gave me a jar of toenails he cut off in the entire time we'd been dating, before breaking up with me because 'the stars weren't counting on us'. Yeah. o.O

wthcharles 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 22:54

I'm gonna guess it's his wisdom tooth? That's cool!

johnnydeath 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 23:20

I hope you made a necklace out of it.

DarkArchon 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 23:59

My joke :p

snowking_fml 0

Wednesday 17 February 2010 0:18

alrighty then

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The Top

Today, I got home from a business trip and found my wife in bed with my sister. She tried to claim they had just had a girls' night and fell asleep watching a movie, even though when I caught them, they were naked, wet and my wife’s head was buried in my sister's crotch. Movie night, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 786

You deserved it 148

Today, at work, I'm supervising one person. Recently there's been tension between her and a couple of other coworkers, one of which was her friend. I spent the day running around and trying to smooth things over, just to find out what started this was her walking in on her former friend talking about her behind her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 96

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 585

You deserved it 628

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 417

You deserved it 31 993

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 946

You deserved it 9 373

Today, I got a letter summoning me to court for leaving the scene of a car accident I had in London. I live in Manchester and don't own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 107

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 070

You deserved it 17 140

Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 201

You deserved it 16 475