By scoobysnarks - 24/09/2015 11:49 - United States - Raleigh
I agree, your life sucks
30 054
You deserved it
3 303
scoobysnarks tells us more.
scoobysnarks
15
OP here. Look, there are LOTS of choices I *could* make, many of which have been offered here. There's nothing inherently wrong in a lot of the suggestions - they're just not suggestions I'm interested in following, honestly. I love my wife. I don't love anyone else; finding another outlet or a replacement for my beloved just isn't something I'm interested in. It's not that she's unsympathetic, necessarily, as much as it's just not something she can do or address; she has her own issues, and they're a big deal to both of us. I can't talk to her about it, because of her issues - it's just too much pressure on her, and I'm not willing to put that on her. I'd far rather bear the burden of my own problems than put them on her. Thanks for the empathy and comments.
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Comments
bibliohullabaloo
2
I think you're amazing for standing by her and understanding her issues without trying to pressure her. I hope it gets better for you both!
Does she have mouth?
She shouldn't have to do anything if she doesn't want to. I've gone through periods of a low sex drive and, honestly, giving a ******* was one of the last things I wanted to be doing when I felt that way. I totally understand why OP is frustrated but his wife shouldn't feel pressured to want to have sex
Emmaleigh6692
7
So you're wife is ill, but we're supposed to feel sorry for you because you don't get to have sex and for some reason choose not to **********?
It's because he's not worried about pleasuring himself
Emmaleigh6692
7
Obviously he is if he's whining about it on fml.
scoobysnarks
15
Hey, that's a fair response. But: to me, FML is meant to be an anonymous outlet, and YES I'm frustrated, and it's a lot better for me to whine on FML than make it an issue where I feel like it's inappropriate. So your sympathy or lack of it is up to you, it's cool. I'm not saying "she's a terrible person because I want something I can't have." Why am I not saying that? Because she's not a terrible person, period. I'm sure if I talked to her about it and my perspective on it, she'd feel horrible... and that would be the only thing that could change. The fact is, even if she were willing to TRY just to satisfy what my physical needs are, I wouldn't want it, because I know what the cost would be for her. Not doing it, sorry, nope.
Sanguinairius
33
Wicked proud of you OP, I just had my long term boyfriend cheat on me and leave due to a similar situation (I'm similar to your wife in regards to ailments and drive suffering). Its wonderful you care about her to try and not pressure her, but you should have a conversation at least because I'm sure she wants you to be happy as well. Like some have suggested, Doctor visits for her ailments, and creative methods on both your parts still mean you two can be intimate even if you don't end up having traditional sexual contact. Best of luck to you and I hope your wife feels better and makes progress. But do stop punching yourself in the junk, if she does come around, you'll still want it to work I imagine ^_^;
Emmaleigh6692
7
I don't believe I suggested you complain to her about it, my only suggestion so far has been masturbation which I do believe is a good option. But as someone who also has medical issues that sometimes impact my sex drive, I would be mortified if I found out my husband was talking about my problems on a site that so many people read. Anonymous or not, it's just not right and it's not outside the realm of possibility that your wife could find this. My suggestion to both of you is to consider counseling both together and separately, it's helped a lot for my husband and I. And it would give you a proper outlet to vent your frustrations.
As someone who also has physical ailments that sometimes prevent sex I can tell you it's not her fault, she's not doing this on purpose. I'm sure you'll be fine just be supportive of her. Sex is important yes, but it's not the center of the marriage.
leogachi
15
@67 Considering that Op is literally punching himself in the dick, I assume he already knows all of this.
Like it or not you & him are in this for the long run. so strap in
I would talk with your wife. You should try sex therapy, it work ok for my friend.
Have you considered an open marriage or discussed it with your partner?
Not sure what all the down-thumbing is for. It is a legitimate idea that people have found works for them. Obviously, sex isn't the centerpiece of a marriage, but if there is the likelihood that she will never satisfy his needs ever again in that category, it's at least worth discussing... If he doesn't need to resort to that, great, but it's merely an option.
A bunch of idiots that's probably not having sex either but giving out dumbass advice.
not knowing what exactly her physical ailments are...there is always masturbation even if she's not physically involved. If she's not cool with ****, that's fine - build your imagination or use a photo of her. Maybe she'd even do a boudoir photo shoot for material ;-)
I never want to be that wife. Unless I cannot have sex, like the doctor tells me "you can't have sex or you'll die", I will continue to have sex with my future husband. Not saying she's to blame for not wanting it, whatever her physical ailment may be, but I hate reading stories about the wife just never wanting sex. How does it get to that point? It's disgusting.
You've obviously never been in so much pain you want to crawl in a hole and die.
If I have an ailment that makes me have pain during sex or just be in pain constantly, sorry I'm not going to have sex. In sure op's wife has more to worry about than not being one of "those wives".
It's disgusting? Why? There are many reasons why someone might not want to have sex. My boyfriend went through a period of depression and anxiety and, during that period, pretty much never wanted to have sex. I've been on medication which gave me the side effect of a low sex drive...
(cont.) Or maybe OP's wife is actually in physical pain. It's probably not that she doesn't want to want to have sex, if you get what I mean, but it's not like she can help it. Not everyone is like you. Have a bit of empathy!
Also you're saying that from the point of view of someone with a high sex drive. I bet if you took some medication, or developed some physical ailment like OP's wife that caused your sex drive to become low, you wouldn't be saying that any more.
zeffra13
31
There are a lot of physical conditions that can make sex uncomfortable/painful or otherwise unenjoyable. It's very unlikely given what he said that she just 'doesn't feel like it'. There are also a lot of women who have a ridiculously low libido (or even none) and partners who bully them into doing it anyway are making it worse.
Lol someone is having sex with you? No bitch you disgusting!
um, I think you're doing it wrong
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If that's the case have a conversation with her about whether she minds you wanking, I'm sure she won't? Hopefully she'll be flattered that you want to have sex with her even if she has no interest. Wanking isn't the same but it seems a better solution than your current one. I hope her ailment is one that will pass and you can have sex again at some point
You are an amazing husband. Hope you two get through everything ok!