Parenting, Sex and Intimacy: Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks....

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 190

You deserved it 3 650

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Same thing different taste

By sexandanxiety - 30/04/2015 00:46 - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 654

You deserved it 4 226

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 20:29 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 087

You deserved it 2 894

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 818

You deserved it 37 524

By linn - 27/09/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 132

You deserved it 3 210

By ugly duckling - 06/08/2015 19:18 - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 060

You deserved it 3 154

By Anonymous - 21/06/2009 08:50 - Australia

Today, I was talking with my mother and expressed my slight disappointment at how many of my friends are getting into relationships, whereas I'm still single. My mother decided to encourage me by saying "Don't worry, sweetie. There are boys out there who don't go for looks. You'll be fine". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 190

You deserved it 4 023

Thanks

By Miami6and3 - 26/08/2013 18:22 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I didn't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 489

You deserved it 5 318

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 16:14 - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 683

You deserved it 3 886

By peacock_mina19 - 11/02/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 008

You deserved it 27 170

faxe 0

Saturday 28 November 2009 6:08

Go into porno. When you're taking your "**** of the Year" award, mention how your mom inspired you.

cassie567 0

Thursday 21 April 2011 2:05

hey I'm 12 and a virgin!

Comments

dezzylovesyou 0

Monday 30 November 2009 6:05

Oh my god, that's halarious! I'm sorry, I'm a bad person I guess, but jeez your mom's funny.

shroomis 0

Thursday 3 December 2009 8:15

haha ill help you out with this

Valter 0

Thursday 4 February 2010 10:25

Mommy knows best!

Lydiyooo 0

Tuesday 15 June 2010 4:16

What a bitch.

Poepiepiesie 3

Monday 30 August 2010 10:23

I think some people overrate their parental duties.

nickb93 0

Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:16

Parents advice is the best advice so listen up and heck take some notes. :)

dancinqueen101 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 4:43

that hilarious!!!!

worldclassrager 39

Thursday 9 October 2014 15:36

Key word here is someday...that doesn't mean tomorrow...using her advice is up to you...either way it should happen sometime

Keywords

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You deserved it 93

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Today, my husband and I went to the bank to figure out why our loan process has been such a pain in the ass, and why we can never get in contact with our lender. The bank said he quit last week. Guess he didn't think to tell anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 70

Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 117

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 456

You deserved it 46 294

Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me a photo of him getting head from a gorgeous woman. He captioned it “Jealous?” with smiley emojis. I’m not sure what’s creepier, the fact that he sent it, that he even has my new number or that we broke up more than 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 741

You deserved it 155

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 062

You deserved it 22 008

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 661

You deserved it 3 513

Same thing different taste

Thanks mom

Thanks

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